Violent Daydreams

Undercover Brother a "Smash Hit"

2007-03-27T12:50:00.000-07:00

While practicing for a charity race yesterday to promote the upcoming film Redline, actor and comedian Eddie Griffin crashed a $1.5 million dollar Ferrari Enzo into a barricade after taking a turn too fast.

The film's publicist told reporters that Griffin had been "completely unscratched" but had been a "little shaken". Meanwhile, Daniel Sadek who is the owner of the car and was kind enough to loan his virtually irreplaceable automobile to this charity is out of his now totaled 1-in-400 series Ferrari sports car. Sadek told reporters, "I'm glad Eddie came out of the crash okay, but my dream car got destroyed". He also stated that, "I went to my trailer for about 15 minutes and I thought, there's people dying every day. A lot worse things are happening in the world".

There were only 400 Ferrari Enzos made, all between 2002 and 2004 and now this poor guy is the proud owner of a completely totaled one. There's no fixing it because no replacement frames/chassis exist. What makes things worse is, I see the studio and Griffin both fighting him on this. I can almost hear them saying, "Well, you did offer it for charity. You should have known there were risks".

If I had been the owner and it was my car that was totaled, I'd go on a disgruntled postal worker killing spree, and I'd make fucking sure that both Griffin and that cunt publicist were well expired. One in the head, one in the chest. You just destroyed my $1.5 million dollar baby. There is no question, no negotiating, no other form of satisfaction. YOU MUST DIE... IMMEDIATELY! - (Source)

(If you can bear to watch $1.5 million dollars destroyed before your very eyes, the link below has a video of the atrocity.)

Access Hollywood -
Eddie Griffin Crashes $1.5M Ferrari

A Farewell to Rome

2007-03-26T06:46:00.000-07:00

Last night marked the series finale of HBO's Rome. Though often embellished and historically inaccurate, Rome was one of the most elaborate, most entertaining and most expensive series ever to be shown on TV. I guess this explains the $80+ price tag on the DVD collection of season 1. It was said to have started as a mini-series but after receiving such high praise and critical acclaim, Rome was slotted for a second season. Now that the second season has come to a close and no third season lies upon the horizon, fans speculate that it will eventually make its way to the big screen, such as HBO's Deadwood is expected to as well.

The series began just after Gaius Julius Caesar (played by Ciarán Hinds) conquered Gaul, though the real story starts when you are first introduced to Lucius Vorenus (played by Kevin McKidd) and Titus Pullo (played by Ray Stevenson). Together, they form Caesar's seemingly indestructible duo and are often the focus of each episode. Turn the page and you will be seduced by the long-standing cat fight between Atia of the Julii (played by Polly Walker) and Servilia of the Junii (played by Lindsay Duncan). Together, these two actresses drag you into their world kicking and screaming, but when it is all over you are filled with a barrel of winding emotions that tantalize your brain and warm your heart.

Ok, enough back story. Want to know more? Watch the show. Rome is gone and I already miss it.

Now I want to take the time to give a high, healthy and hearty "FUCK YOU" to HBO. They continually feed me outstanding programming, literally the best there ever was on television, and then like a tablecloth in a cheesy magician's trick, they yank it from under me. They warm you and make you feel all fuzzy inside and then they shove you out in the cold and make you wait for the next fire to burn. They deal entertainment like it was crack and just when you get used to a certain fix, they change suppliers and leave you with the shakes until you adjust to your new high. They are evil I tell you, EVIL!

So... why do I keep going back?

Kyle Smith deems the movie 300 "Barbaric"

2007-03-13T13:25:00.000-07:00

This stupid motherfucker Kyle Smith reviewed the movie "300" for the NY Post and he summed his review up in one word... BARBARIC.

Barbaric? You stupid fucking piece of media shit. Its a fucking gladiator movie and I hate to break it to you but gladiators were FUCKING BARBARIC!!! What did you expect? Were you hoping for a bunch of Spartan faggots beating each other with foam penises? Gladiators wore armor, they fought with swords and axes and they FUCKING KILLED EACH OTHER! I hope you choke on the popcorn you eat at your next review viewing you liberal sugar-footed ass wipe. I hope you choke and you die.

If you want to read his full review, CLICK HERE

(He even looks like a faggoty fucking asshole.)

I am now part of the Collective

2007-03-13T12:33:00.000-07:00

As many of you may already know, I am a gamer. I have been playing video games since I was very young. In fact, I at one time or another owned every game system that has made its way to the United States (with the exception of the Vectrex Arcade System and having not owned it haunts me to this very day. Honestly.) Anyway, I am a gamer and as a gamer, I have had one cardinal rule. I simply refuse to pay-to-play any game, which is common practice for all MMORPGs such as Everquest and Star Wars Galaxies.

MMORPG (Massive Multi-Player Online Role Playing Game)

Well, a friend let me in on the news that you can download a 10-day free trial of World of Warcraft. So, after a bit of self-turmoil, I bucked up and downloaded the free demo. Damned if I didn't like it. FUCK! I never thought this would happen. I never thought that I would be sucked in to a subscription-based game. I feel so cheap now. So used. So.... joyful! This game is fucking great! Click the image below to download the free trial and if you do, let me know and I'll tell you my character name and the realm I call home.

Snow way in Hell...

2007-02-13T12:36:00.000-08:00

After nine straight days of constant snowfall, the small town of Redfield, NY has found themselves buried under a whopping 12 feet of snow. TWELVE FUCKING FEET OF SNOW! And what's worse is that more is on the way. Due to the clearing of the roads, some folks in Redfield have snow banks in front of their houses reaching as high as 16 feet. I like the snow, I really do, but if I ever find myself under twelve-plus feet of snow (with 16-foot snow banks), I'm fucking moving.

Sexual Harassment in the Work Place

2007-02-12T13:02:00.000-08:00

I have a friend who has recently been accused of Sexual Harassment in the Workplace. Immediately after the accusation was made, he was tentatively terminated without pay and had to go home and tell his wife he was fired for Sexual Harassment. Well, after explaining the situation to her honestly and thoroughly, she agreed that the charges were absurd and that she has every intention of helping him fight it. You see, lucky for my friend, he's married to an Attorney who works for a firm that specializes in yep, you guessed it, Sexual Harassment.

Now, due to the fact that this is an on-going case, I have to watch what I say. Without divulging any information, I'll paint you a picture of what took place that caused his female co-worker to feel that she had been sexually harassed.

My friend, who for the sake of anonymity we will call John, had gone to work that day like any other normal day. Well, he and a male co-worker began discussing the Super Bowl and of course, the commercials. I mean, who talks about the Super Bowl without talking about the commercials? (There's a reason why they cost close to $2 Million Dollars for each 30-seconds of air time.) Anyway, Jane (clever, I know. lol) who is a female co-worker of John's overheard him tell his friend that he, "thought the BoDog commercials were just as bad as when Janet whipped one out last year." That was the statement that "offended" Jane and caused her to file a Sexual Harassment grievance with management and is what ultimately may cost John his job.

Now, I guess I can see where someone may be offended by the statement "whipped one out", but I would never consider that Sexual Harassment. I mean, it's not like John approached Jane and said, "Hey, Jane, go ahead and whip one out for us." Now that would be sexual harassment. In John's situation, it's simply a case of someone being offended by something that was said. That's all. Though because "Sexual Harassment" is such a sensitive subject and companies fear the threat of disparaging press and multi-million dollar law suits, they jumped at the first cry and acted irrationally. Shame on his employer for not having the balls to tell Jane that she was blowing the situation way out of proportion and shame on Jane for not being more thick-skinned. My guess was that "Jane" was some ugly, shy cat-lady who kept her distance from everyone in the office and as it turns out, I was right!

Sensative, but funny none-the-less.

2007-02-11T08:22:00.000-08:00

I saw this video while futzing around on YouTube and even though it is a PSA for the sensative subject of "Date Rape", I foud it amusing that the girl is white, the guy is black and the song playing is "Color Blind" by Counting Crows. ROFLMAO

The Super Bowl Commercials (or Lack Thereof)

2007-02-04T20:20:00.000-08:00

I have to say that when it came to the commercials, this was the worst Super Bowl ever. There were only a handful of new commercials and only a few of them were mildly entertaining. In my opinion, only the Fist Pump commercial for Bud Light (see video above) was memorable. Where were the Budweiser Clydesdales? Where was the Geico Gecko? Where was that gut-busting hilarious ad that you can't wait to go into work and talk about? I was severely disappointed and I hope that things will get better next year.

Click Here to see All of the Super Bowl Commercials

Super Bowl XLI

2007-02-04T19:59:00.000-08:00

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS

FOR WINNING SUPER BOWL XLI

The Super Bowl is over and the Indianapolis Colts beat the Chicago Bears by a score of 29-17. From the start of the game things looked bad for the Colts when Chicago's Devin Hester ran the opening kick off back for a touchdown. But the Colts hankered down and fought their way to victory. I am glad to see Peyton Manning finally get the championship he deserves. Now, hopefully the comparisons to Dan Marino will cease.

This game also marks the first time in history when an African American coach has won the Super Bowl. I know it is a milestone. I know what it means to the movement and I certainly know what it means to the African American community. I still can't help but say that I am certainly glad that its over with. The fact that there were two African American coaches in the Super Bowl vehemently over-shadowed what the Super Bowl is supposed to be about, which of course is football.

Televsion's new, great comedy?

2007-02-03T08:55:00.000-08:00

I may watch a lot of TV, but there are only a handful of shows that I am actually "in to." HBO will always have my heart, but I have recently started watching the show 30 Rock starring Tina Fey, Tracy Morgan and Alec Baldwin. At first I was expecting just another campy sitcom with a Saturday Night Live hybrid of comedy. Boy, was I wrong. 30 Rock is masterfully written and the actors (yes, even Alec Baldwin) are perfect in their roles. It's refreshing to see comedian Tracy Morgan in a role that lets him truly be himself and it shines through brilliantly. Click the link below to watch the most-recent episode and judge for yourself. I think you will agree with my assessment.

Latest Episode of 30 Rock

NUCKIN' FUTS - It's huckin' fillarious!

2006-12-13T07:33:00.000-08:00

Nuckin' Futs - The JibJab Year in Review | Send To Friends | Funny Animations at JibJab

Pop Star Gone Wild

2006-12-01T13:37:00.000-08:00

Shortly after her big media break-up with ex-leech Kevin Federline, Britney took to the party scene with two of fames more prominant party girls, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Well, while the girls were club-hopping, hitting all of the major hot spots in the L.A. Club scene, some photographer was treated to the knowledge that sweet little Britney wasn't wearing any panties. Click on the link below to see for yourself.

Britney Spears and her Bald Ball Bather

Every man's fantasy fulfilled

2006-11-14T12:41:00.000-08:00

Ladies, do yourself a favor and do not believe your man when he says he wouldn't have sex with Britney Spears. There's not a straight man on this planet that wouldn't love to have dirty, nasty, bang-out sex with her. So, if your man says he wouldn't, he's either lying or a closet fag.

Ok, now that I've said my peace, I want to talk about the break-up between the Pop-Icon Britney Spears and her seemingly freeloading soon-to-be ex-husband, Kevin Federline. I didn't care one bit if they broke up or lived happily ever after. I don't care about "famous" people other than how the entertain me like the monkeys that they are. However, this caught my attention because in a bitter attempt to cash in on their divorce, Kevin "Can't rap worth a shit" Federline has stated that he has tapes of he and Britney having sex.

Keep in mind that all of my fantasies have a 1-dick limit (that being mine,) but if I get the chance to see Britney in all her glory, than I won't mind looking past Kevin's man-ass in order to do so.

I just beg of you Kevin Federline.... Please, please, PLEASE?

ONLY release the tapes where she looks like THIS ...and not like THIS

Euro-English

2006-11-14T12:08:00.000-08:00

I got this in an email and I thought you all may enjoy it as well:

The EU Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Chappelle Show - President Black Bush

2006-11-08T13:14:00.000-08:00

It seems appropriate for election time that I share one of my most favorite skits from the "Chappelle Show"

GET YOUR ASS OUT AND VOTE!!!

2006-11-07T12:55:00.000-08:00

Whether you're a Democrat or a Republican, get your ass out and vote.

Believe it or not, your vote does count.

Erection Day?

2006-11-06T13:37:00.000-08:00

Just a quick story that made me laugh. A lady I work with who is from Hong Kong, told me to make sure I go out on Tuesday. I was baffled for the first few seconds and asked, where am I going. She then reminded me that Tuesday was Erection Day. Yes, with her typical Asian accent, she told me that I "need to get out and vote on Erection Day."

I asked her if it would be "hard?"

She replied with, "No, its-a reery easy. Its-a aw computah now."

I then said, "I heard its going to be a stiff race."

She said, "I don' rike Repubrican or Demercraht, so I don no."

Me, "I think they are going to blow it all over again."

She then replied with, "Yeah, day-sa gots-a rotta balrs (balls) and I think day reery stink."

I ended with, "Well, you can clean them up with enough time."

And her final comment? "Nah, all dem is-a ass hoes!"

I busted out laughing and she took great pride in being the one who made me laugh because it is usually I who makes everyone else laugh.

Save the Cheerleader.... Save the World.

2006-11-06T12:04:00.000-08:00

NBC's HEROES may very well be the best show on television. I know that everyone loves CSI, Law & Order and House but let's face it. The outcome of those shows is almost always the same. They almost always solve the crimes on "CSI" and "Law & Order" and the sarcastic condescension from Dr. Gregory House always become moot in the end because he will always find the miracle cure.

Heroes is different. It's fresh and refreshing. Don't be fooled by thinking it's just another X-Men or Spiderman because it is far from it. In fact, in many ways I like this show more than those Hollywood blockbusters. The writers of Heroes have spent the entire season so far on character development. You not only get to see what makes each character special, you get to see what makes them normal. If anyone remembers the 80's show The Greatest American Hero, you will remember how much of the show revolved around the characters and not just what Ralph Hinkley (main character) could do. Due to time constraints and the needs of the movie-going audience, the "X-Men" and "Spiderman" type films are pressured into providing instant action, big effects and cheap thrills and unless you are a comic book fan, you have no idea what the back story is on each of the characters.

With the exception of Ali Larter and Noah Gray-Cabey, the cast is fairly unknown and yet I have no complaints about their work. In fact, I have nothing but praise for each and every one of them, and the character Hiro played by Masi Oka my favorite of them all. Though in THIS SCENE and the Striptease Act she did in the first episode (sorry, couldn't find a video) were hot as hell.

Intrigued? CLICK HERE and you can watch 2-minute replays of each episode to get caught up and you can watch the last episode in it's entirety.

Bits`O Halloween

2006-11-01T08:23:00.000-08:00

I took my daughter (4) Trick or Treating last night for Halloween. She was a real trooper about pressing on and getting in just a few more houses. Well, when we reached our limit she said the cutest thing. She looked at me and asked, "How are we getting home?" To which I replied, "We're walking." Her eyes widened and she said, "Without our car?" I busted out laughing. She wound up sitting on Daddy's shoulders for the trip back. How could I resist?

Later that evening I was helping my niece (12) sort out her massive collection of candy when I came across what was unmistakably Penis-shaped candy. I had to do a double take but sure enough, there it was. An individually wrapped piece of candy shaped like a penis (similar to the ones in the pic, but larger and red in color.) I immediately called the parents of my niece's friends down the street and asked that they examine their candy as well. Sure enough, they found the same phallic treat I did. As I hung up the phone, a furious "motherfucker" escaped my lips.

Unfortunately, kids don't normally pay attention to who gives what. They just hold out their bags and collect whatever gets dropped in there. None of them had any idea who gave them this candy. I pressed her with questions just to make sure it wasn't a friend playing a joke on them. She was extremely thorough is convincing me it was not. I was so fucking furious and my anger just kept expanding knowing that I had no way of knowing who the sick fuck was. Unfortunately it was too late for me to take her back around, retracing her path. The only thing I could do (and did do) was call the Police and report it. I wasn't surprised to find out that I wasn't the first caller. They told me they were "looking into it."

To my dismay, there was nothing in the paper or on the news about it happening or about the culprit being caught. So as of today, its as if it never happened. When I get out of work I will call the Police station but I am more than certain that I will be told that nothing was found.

I guess for my sake, it was best that I didn't find out who did it because I'd be in jail right now.

Introducing.... Trunk Monkey

2006-11-01T08:13:00.000-08:00

I know that "Trunk Monkey" sounds like a racial slur, but it's actually the hilarious commercial idea for Suburban Auto Group, an auto dealer located about 20 miles east of Portland, Oregon. Check out the videos:

Trunk Monkey #1

Trunk Monkey #2

Trunk Monkey #3

Trunk Monkey #4

Trunk Monkey #5

Trunk Monkey #6

The complexity of Women

2006-10-19T07:15:00.000-07:00

Scientists have finally cracked the complex nature of the Female mind.

Click Here to see the easy to read diagram they have provided.

What's good for the Goose...

2006-10-17T12:51:00.000-07:00

This weekend I had a friend get pulled over by the police and given a hefty fine for having tinted windows on his car. Not only was he given a fine in upwards of $300.00, but he was ordered to have the tint removed or he would continue being fined and face having his vehicle impounded. When he asked why he was fined, the officer explained that "In the event of a crime, officers need to clearly be able to identify the driver and/or passengers of a vehicle." Suffice to say, my friend was not at all happy. It cost him close to $500.00 to get his windows tinted and now it may cost him even more to have it removed, again on top of a $300.00 fine.

So, after he told me this, I got to wondering. If tinted windows are illegal because police want to clearly identify suspects in a vehicle, isn't it about time that we make burkas as illegal? I mean, you certainly can't walk around the street in a Ninja outfit without raising a few law enforcement eyebrows, so why are we so accepting of the burka? It completely covers someone (though the veil that covers the eyes can be lifted.) Yes, it is a part of religious Muslim culture, but it is not a part of American culture. It is often associated with terrorism (and rightfully so.) Not to mention that as often depicted in Hollywood movies, can easily hide a full-sized shotgun or rifle with ease. So why are we still accepting it as being acceptable?

When did the majority of America attend a Sensitivity Training course? Why is it such taboo to offend other cultures by asking that they make changes in order to properly acclimate themselves into our culture? If we have a license to carry a concealed weapon does that give us the right to carry that same weapon in Germany? Fuck no! If "FUBU" shirts were banned in Singapore and some idiot fuck was arrested for wearing one (knowing that they were illegal), should he be rescued? Fuck no! Cane his stupid ass for breaking the law. - So why must it always be us who bends and breaks to accommodate the diverse cultures that make up a good portion of our population?

I, for one, am growing sick and fucking tired of it.

Outta-Luck Louie?

2006-10-13T11:16:00.000-07:00

Damn you HBO! Damn you all to Hell!

HBO has opted to not pick up a second season of Lucky Louie, an adult situation comedy based on the comedic styling of Louis C.K. Though HBO claimed that the show had poor ratings, it appears that the show had much more of a following than they had estimated. Fans of the risqué sitcom, which is filmed live before a studio audience, are banning together to try and change the minds of the HBO decision makers.

There is an online petition which can be signed and I ask that you do so.

A fan of the show even started this MySpace Page which details the canceling of the show and provides several resources on how you can support the movement to bring it back.

You can even go so far as to write HBO directly and let them know how you feel about the cancellation. Like cast member and comedian Jim Norton said, "They're a big company but they aren't deaf." There's no need for nasty and profane responses. Simply be concise and passionate on how you felt about the show and the fact that HBO has cancelled it.

I'm pissed that they cancelled the show. I thought it was brilliant, hilarious and above all else, REAL. Most of the fluff they fill programming schedules with is unrealistic Hollywood bullshit. Lucky Louie was a fresh spin on the "television family" premise. Shows like "Everybody Loves Raymond" and "The Cosby Show" made it through countless seasons because it was all about "funny," yet in both scenarios, the families were well-to-do and their lives were whimsical yet hunky-dory. Lucky Louie on the other hand, brought reality into a comedic setting and in most cases, your laughs were not only fueled by its writing, but by the fact that you could relate to those very "real" situations.

PS> I signed the petition and was # 9,199.

What good is a busted Willie?

2006-09-26T12:56:00.000-07:00

September 18th, 2006 - Country singer/song-writer Willie Nelson was cited for possession of marijuana and (magic) mushrooms. The 73 year old Country Music legend had his tour bus pulled over on a routine traffic stop by a Louisiana State Police officer. "When the door was opened and the trooper began to speak to the driver, he smelled the strong odor of marijuana." A search of the bus produced 1 1/2 pounds of marijuana and .2 pounds of narcotic (magic) mushrooms. Nelson and 4 others were released after being given citations.

Ok, so let me get this straight. Willie Nelson (and friends) get busted with 1 1/2 pounds of marijuana and a good amount of magic mushrooms and they get cited and released, and Tommy Chong is arrested and is made to serve 9 months in jail for selling drug paraphernalia on the internet? Where is the fucking justice in that? Please tell me that these guys are facing at least 2 years for their crime? Please tell me that Tommy Chong simply wasn't made an example of when he was thrown in jail for selling water pipes (bongs) on the internet when you can go into any local cigar/smoke shop and buy them legally? Please tell me that our justice system is not that fucked up?

As much as I am an advocate for legalizing marijuana, it is still against the law and he broke it. Period, end of story. One and a half pounds of marijuana is not "possession", that amount could even be billed as "with intent to distribute." Is this simply because a country singer got busted in a "country" state by what I can only assume was a country, redneck cop? Hot dang, yer Willie Nelson. I can't wait to tell Betty Mae I pulled over Willie `fuckin Nelson. Yeeeehaaaaaw! Is that weed I smell? I'm smelling the same `fuckin weed that Willie `fuckin Nelson is smellin. Hot dang! - Yes, it could have sounded just like that and you know it's true.

Oh, and was it supposed to be a mystery that Willie Nelson was a pot-smoking flower child all these years? Well, mystery fucking solved! - HA HA HA HA HA.

Superstition strikes again

2006-09-26T06:55:00.000-07:00

Those of you who watch football or play video games or both are well aware of the Madden Curse. Well, it struck again. It was announced that during the game on Sunday versus the New York Giants, Seattle Seahawks running back Shaun Alexander suffered a cracked bone in his left foot. Alexander is the 8th NFL player to have graced the cover of the seasonal (John) Madden Football game, created by Electronic Arts.

In 1989, Electronic Arts released "John Madden Football" for the Apple II series computer. In 1992, Madden made it's way to the booming home-console market appearing on the Sega Genesis. It wasn't until the year 2000 when Madden himself no longer appeared on the cover of his hit franchise series, and it was in 2000 where the Madden Curse all began. Year after year, the NFL player "lucky" enough to make the cover of "Madden Football" has been injured in the subsequent season. Here is the chronology of the "Madden Curse".

2000 - Running back Dorsey Levens (Green Bay Packers) was featured on some versions of Madden Football. That year, doctors had to remove a loose fragment and scar tissue from under his kneecap. He was side-lined for the season and (still starting) running back Ahman Green got his first start. Levens was cut by Green Bay in 2001.

2001 - Running back Eddie George (Tennessee Titans) escaped injury that season. However, having the best year of his career, George bobbled a pass in a playoff game that was intercepted by linebacker Ray Lewis (Baltimore Ravens) who returned it for a game winning touchdown. Coincidentally, George was injured the following year.

2002 - Quarterback Daunte Culpepper (Minnesota Vikings) suffered a horrible 4-7 season start only to be placed on IR with a season-ending knee injury.

2003 - Running back Marshall Faulk (St. Louis Rams) injured his ankle and missed 6 games, preventing him from possibly having his 8th 1,000+ yard season. From that point on, Faulk never reached 1,000 yards again.

2004 - Quarterback Michael Vick (Atlanta Falcons) missed the first 11 games of the season with a broken leg.

2005 - Linebacker Ray Lewis avoided injury until the last game of the regular season, but it was also the first year where Lewis did not record an interception. In addition, Lewis suffered a season-ending injury the following year.

2006 - Quarterback Donovan McNabb (Philadelphia Eagles) suffered a sports hernia, though valiantly managed to play through the pain for the entire season.

And now...

2007 - Running back Shaun Alexander (Seattle Seahawks) has been temporarily sidelined with a fractured bone in his foot.

I'm in no way a superstitious person, but there has to be something to the whole "Madden Curse" thing. It's too coincidental to be a coincidence.

From fever to fervor

2006-09-21T08:03:00.000-07:00

I apologize for not having been around for a short while. I wound up getting a sinus infection last week on top of a cold. Well, thanks to Clarithromycin the infection was gone in no time. Unfortunately, the cold began to morph into something else, including a 101 fever and my first ear infection ever. It was a real bitch to get rid of. Hell, I'm still in the recovery process and am taking Phenergan w/Codeine, Tessalon Perles, Mucinex and a Zithromax "Z-Pack".

Being that I am on several medications, you can guess that I went to the doctor. Well, I hadn't been to my family doctor in a while and I usually go at night. I come to find out that she retired and that there was an entirely new staff. I was devastated ... that is .... until I saw the new staff. YOWZA!

I was surrounded by hot nurses, hot assistants and a smoking-hot doctor. Had I died and gone to heaven? I didn't know whether to thank them or stick dollar bills between their plump, delicious breasts. I loved my old doctor because she was a damn good doctor, she knew me well and always took care of me. Now I am infatuated with the entire staff and I have deep, dark urges stored away for each and every one of them. To be honest, I can't wait until it's time to go back.

... I think ... I feel ... something coming on.

Gratuitous Muslim Booty

2006-09-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

If all Muslim women looked like this, I'd be fighting in Iraq with a wrist rocket and a backpack full of condoms. ROFLMAO

Some parodies to laugh at on a somber day

2006-09-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

Saturday, September 13th 2003 at 8:30 p.m. - The United States Military made a horrible mistake when they accidentally apprehended Adult Film Star Ron Jeremy whom they thought to be tyrannical dictator, Saddam Hussein. Ron (Jeremy) was quoted as saying, "I have been in a countless number of holes in my lifetime, but that was the biggest, dirtiest hole ever."

When President Bush's administration told Americans that Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden were in "bed together," it was believed to be figuratively until this rare photo was discovered in Hussein's personal scrap book. Bin Laden was not available for comment, but a messenger has stated that a tape will be sent to Al Jazeera in the near future.

Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po are now among America's Most-Wanted after it was discovered that they are harboring known terrorist and Al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin-Laden in Teletubby Land. This explains why he has yet to be found by Coalition Troops.

CAUGHT ON TAPE: Cindy Sheehan (seen here) was asked to publicly apologize after a photographer filmed her doing an impression of herself prior to becoming a national celebrity. She later told Americans that she still missed her son, but doesn't have time to show it because of her busy schedule.

The Governator caught on tape

2006-09-08T11:22:00.000-07:00

The L.A. Times reported that California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger told his advisors on tape that Cubans and Puerto Ricans are naturally temperamental because of their combination of "black blood" and "Latin blood."

"I mean Cuban, Puerto Rican, they are all very hot," Schwarzenegger said on the recording of a closed-door meeting obtained by the Los Angeles Times and made available on its website.

"They have the, you know, part of the black blood in them and part of the Latino blood in them that together makes it," Schwarzenegger said to Chief of Staff Susan Kennedy.

Republican Assemblywoman Bonnie Garcia told the L.A. Times that the Governor's remarks "did not bother her" and was also quoted saying "I love the Governor because he is a straight talker just like I am." - "Very often I tell him, 'Look, I am a hot-blooded Latina.' I label myself a hot-blooded Latina that is very passionate about the issues, and this is kind of an inside joke I have with the Governor."

Schwarzenegger later made a public apology after it was brought to his attention that many people were offended. - Source

Click Here to listen

Excuse me? Did this article not state that this was a recording from a closed-door meeting? Why does anyone have the right to be offended by what he says behind closed doors? I am willing to bet that every single American has said something in the privacy of their own homes that would have in some way offended someone and yet we are not required to issue public apologies. Is his being a public figure grounds for public outrage in this matter? Why?

Professional Baseball player John Rocker was cited for publicly calling an African-American teammate (Randall Simon) a "Fat Monkey." In the same interview, Rocker spat on a Georgia 400 toll machine and mocked Asian women. Rocker was suspended for the remainder of the spring season and 28 regular-season games (later reduced to 14.) The difference is, in this case he (Rocker) did and said these things in the midst of an interview. Schwarzenegger on the other hand, said what he said behind closed doors and the Latino he was referring to had no problem with his comments and told reporters that it is an inside joke between the two of them.

I am getting sick and fucking tired of the sea of sensitivity that is flooding our nation. Our country was built on freedom, including freedom of speech. The Governator did nothing wrong, he said nothing wrong and he should not have been "pressured" into an obviously-hollow apology. I say fuck`em, Arnie! They have a problem? Terminate their ass!

Hell, when I read that he said "I mean Cuban, Puerto Rican, they are all very hot" and "They have the, you know, part of the black blood in them and part of the Latino blood in them that together makes it," I thought he was saying that they are extremely attractive (hot) and the mix of Black and Latin blood is what formulates that hotness.

I feel the need... the need for WEED!

2006-09-07T11:31:00.000-07:00

In April of 2006, the United States Food & Drug Administration (FDA) released a report that no sound scientific studies supported the smoking of marijuana for medicinal purposes. This report is in complete contradiction of a study conducted in 1999 by a panel or highly regarded scientists from the Institute of Medicine. In their study, they found that marijuana showed numerous medicinal properties and could be used in a variety of such as an anti-nauseate, anti-spasmodic, appetite stimulator and pain reliever.

The medicinal use of Marijuana dates back as far as 15th century B.C., Chinese Pharmacopoeia, the Ry-Ya. Between 1840 and 1900, more than 100 articles were published in medical journals on the medicinal and therapeutic use of cannabis. In 1975, our own Federal Government stated that "cannabis is one of the most ancient healing drugs." In addition, they stated that "one should not, however, summarily dismiss the possibility of therapeutic usefulness simply because the plant is the subject of current sociopolitical controversy."

Historically documented medical uses of Marijuana include treatments for the following: Anorexia, Asthma, Nausea, Pain, Peptic Ulcer, Alcoholism, Glaucoma, Epilepsy, Depression, Anxiety, Inflammation, Hypertension, Insomnia, Turrets, and of course Cancer. Oh, and even more recently, it has been found to increase a person's sexual libido and can be considered a "performance enhancer".

Is it just me, or does it seem that the FDA is confusing the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes with the debate over legalization?

There is no way in hell that they can unequivocally state that marijuana has no medicinal value. I have known several people in my lifetime who have suffered and died from cancer and the only relief they got from the horror that is chemotherapy was from the use of marijuana. By smoking just enough to reduce the violent nausea caused by the radioactive chemicals pumping through their system, they were able to eat, drink and live a higher-quality life. That's what it is really about, quality of life. Hospitals pump massive amounts of pain killing drugs into comatose patients to ensure their families that they are not suffering. Where does the difference lie? The difference is that legalized medications applied by doctors and hospitals generate revenue for the economical monstrosities known as the Pharmaceutical companies. This in turn feeds the Governmental monetary hunger because they have to pay for patents, licensing, and of course the right to sell these legal substances. Marijuana on the other hand, as we all know, can be found (albeit, illegally) on a street corner in Anytown, USA.

I guess money talks, necessity walks.

Thought for the Day...

2006-08-30T12:50:00.000-07:00

Some people are like slinkies. They serve no purpose in life, yet they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

The apple of my eye

2006-08-25T09:23:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday I took my daughter to the local pool and boy did she have fun. It was family appreciation day so they had a clown, music, food and cake. "Otto" the clown was a funny, albeit strange older man with goofy clothes and wacky accessories, but I must admit that he was great with the kids. He made balloon animals, hats and swords and cracked tons of "kiddy" jokes and had them all laughing hysterically. It was a great time.

Well, after getting her balloon sword (her choice) and free decorative sunglasses, she decided she was hungry. Though they had food there, I brought our own since I tend to eat healthy and my daughter is super-picky. So we laid out a blanket and setup a picnic. We ate our lunch, and to top it off we had fresh, juicy apples. YUMMY! I am an apple-holic.

Well, I peeled and cut her apple and gave it to her in a little dish and when I reached for my apple it was gone. I looked around to see if I possibly placed it somewhere and it was no where to be found. Now I am second-guessing myself. Did I remember to bring two? Am I going senile? What gives?

Well, as I look up in confusion, there it is. My apple is being eaten by a big, fat, thieving squirrel. I was so tempted to grab a rock and nail it, but then my daughter said, "He took your apple to feed his babies, right Daddy?" Well, anyone who has kids knows all too-well that their innocence is an overwhelming power and resistance is futile. So, I simply smiled and said, "You're absolutely right, Chicken." (Yes, I call her "chicken" along with a few other nicknames, so sue me.)

Well agreeing with her made her the happiest little girl. Oh, and trust me when I say, it was hard as hell to swallow my desire to peg that little bastard with a nice, pointy rock. ROFLMAO

A very sad story that will have you die laughing

2006-08-18T11:57:00.000-07:00

A guy I work with told me this story about someone he knows...

A female friend of his who lives in New York had been dog-sitting for a friend of hers, at his place in NY. Well, one morning she woke up and saw that the dog was still sleeping. She called to him and there was no response. She then went over and shook him... He was as stiff as a board. Strangely, the dog had somehow passed overnight. Well, as you can imagine she was devastated. She called her friend (who was on vacation in Europe) and through the tears, managed to tell him that his dog had mysteriously passed away. He too began to cry. After he settled himself down, he told her where his personal phonebook was and asked that she call his Vet. She agreed to do so and apologized over and over for "ruining" his vacation.

She got of the phone with him and went to get his phonebook. She found the number and called the Vet, who asked that she bring the dog in for an examination as to what he may have died from. She agreed and got off the phone without giving it much thought. Shortly afterwards, she realized that he was a big dog and she had no idea how she was going to get him there. She looked around the house and finally found a large suitcase. She struggled, but managed to get the Shetland Collie in the case. Again through struggle, she managed to get the heavy case out to the car and drove to the Vet's office.

When she got there, she got the case out of the car but was having a heck of a time getting it up the stairs. As she battled with it, a gentleman walked by and noticed her predicament. He stepped to her and said "That looks rather heavy. By all means, let me help you with that." She smile kindly, motioned for him to take the handle and said "thank you". After taking a few more steps, he turned to her and said, "Wow, this is heavy. What in the world do you have in here?" She was too afraid to tell him the truth, so she answered with "Oh, just some old computer equipment."

BAM, BAM!!!! The guy punched her in the face (twice) and took off with the fucking suit case.

When my buddy told me this, I was so bummed out for the dog's owner until I heard the ending. That piece of monkey shit not only hit a woman, but he then stole what he thought was computer equipment after assaulting her. (Some) justice was served the moment he opened that bag to see what he could sell and found it was filled with a dead dog. That's fucking priceless. Unfortunately, the owner never retrieved the remains and therefore, was not able to properly lay his dog to rest.

Karr accident a tall tale?

2006-08-17T09:55:00.000-07:00

John Mark Karr was recently arrested in Bangkok, Thailand in suspicion of having murdered 6 year old American beauty queen, JonBénet Ramsey. Karr admitted to inquisitors that he "drugged her (Ramsey) and then had sex with her", but claims that killing her was an accident. He believes that while he was having sex with her, she was still alive and he later discovered he had accidentally killed her. He even told reporters that he "loved her very much and is very sorry for what happened."

There are just way too many inconsistencies with this asshole's story. Here are some examples:

1. He said he had sex with Ramsey and yet there were no traces of semen found when her body was examined.

2. He stated that before having sex with her, he had drugged Ramsey. In the autopsy, there were no traces whatsoever of any drug-like substance in her blood.

3. Forensics initially showed that she had been beaten and strangled with a garrote-like device and yet his account of drugging her and accidentally killing her does not match up.

4. He told police that he picked Ramsey up from school when in fact, school had been closed for the Christmas vacation.

5. Karr's ex-wife stated that he had been with her the night of the murder.

In addition to the multiple inconsistencies, I find it very odd that John Karr would admit to the brutal murder of a 6 year old American beauty queen and yet he would not comment on his arrest for Child Pornography here in the states. So, he will confess to a murder but not admit to having child porn on his computer?

In my opinion, this deranged cocksucker had nothing to do with Ramsey's murder. He was obsessed with the case, he is a serial pedophile and he was arrested in a country where they have no problem with torturing you for your crimes. I believe he is lying about being guilty to get his ass back into America. I think that the U.S. should turn away and let Thailand have their way with him. Death alone is too good for this sick, twisted fuck!

Oh, I personally still believe that the parents had something to do with her death. Want something to think about? The autopsy for JonBénet Ramsey shows 12/26/1996 as her date of death yet her headstone shows a deceased date of 12/25/2006. Hmmmmmmm.

Twisting with the Devil....

2006-08-15T20:20:00.000-07:00

A Twisted Tuesday post by Evilicious Blonde

Welcome to the first post to honor "Twisted Tuesday", an idea where for one post, you swap blogs with another blogger. The idea is to give each other a "taste from the other side." When participating, you pretty much have carte blanche, but it is strongly suggested that you keep with the context or "vibe" of the blog you are guest-posting on. That's it. It's simple, it's easy and it's fun.

The Irish Devil hath decreed that if I am going to "twist" on his blog, I have to channel my inner Domme. I-think-I-can-I-think-I-can-I-think-I-can....

Hmmmm.... Perhaps a wee prayer first.

52 things that piss me off, in random order....

1. Chicks who like to make out with me but then suddenly discover religion.

2. People who narrate at the movies. "The killer is in there! Run bitch! Run!!!". *growl*

3. Yoko Ono.

4. KY Lube. (Eeeew! Sticky!)

5. The gag reflex. Ahem.

6. Skinny people with scrawny little asses who whine about being fat. Fuck you!

7. Women who spend oodles of money to have a perfect pedicure, yet fail to shave the gorilla
hair off their big toes.

8. Anyone who thinks they can tell me how to live my life.

9. Cindy Sheehan.

10. People telling me I am old and if I am going to have children, I should try harder.

11. Bratty children in restaurants.

12. New Orleans refugees

13. Terrorist bastards.

14. Phrase that is like nails on a frikkin chalk board to me -- "It's always the last place you look." Duh, nitwit.

15. Having an intense fantasy interrupted.

16. "Subtle hints". Just spit it out, beeyotch!

17. Cell phones or crying infants in a movie theater.

18. Commercials featuring that annoying little twit in the question mark jacket who teaches people how to swindle the government out of money to start a business.

19. Finger pointers.

20. Back stabbers.

21. Liars.

22. Users (unless it involves sex).

23. "New" Country.

24. People who tell me how "sweet" I am.

I. Am. Not. Sweet. Mother. Fucker.

25. Blogosphere Flame wars.

26. Internal chafing.

27. People who kill others in the name of a higher power.

28. Commercials in a fucking movie theater.

29. Fidel Castro.

30. "Throw" pillows.

31. Biting my tongue, both literally and figuratively.

32. GIVING UP MY FUCKING NICKNAME AND BLOG ADDY due to stalker interference.

33. Child molesting bastards; Specifically, the sicko who hurt my best friend's daughter.

34. Chain letters - "Send this two ten people in five seconds or your pets will commit suicide."

35. Veggie-burgers.

36. Mean drunks.

37. People who spout "talking points" as a so-called political argument.

38. When while instant messaging, it says typing on the bottom, and then that person doesn't say anything!

39. Anti-War pussies...errr...I mean, protesters.

40. The hiccups, especially during sex.

41. Being at a concert for a band you adore and some asshole next to you is screaming along off key and keeps fucking up the words.

42. Thongs at the beach - especially on men!

43. People who say "Flustrated" instead of "Frustrated".

44. Hangnails on a man who is fingering me.

45. Plushie Paul.

46. When people use MY name in vain.

47. When famous singers try to "interpret" the National Anthem, making it impossible to sing
along with.

48. Razor burn on "delicate" areas.

49. The "Can you hear me now? Good!" commercials.

50. People who fake disabilities.

51. EMAIL SPAM.

52. Being thisclose to an orgasm and then having it either deliberately or accidentally halted by a partner.

Suddenly feeling the urge to tie a person up.....male, female, whichever.....and molest them....for hours...

Wooooo! Anger makes me HORNY!!!!!

A question for the fellas (and the ladies who like ladies.)

2006-08-15T09:45:00.000-07:00

This was a discussion we had a work this morning and I am interested to see what my blog friends think.

If you had the chance to have wild, nasty, bang-out sex with the female celebrity of your choice and right before it happens, you find out that she was once a man and that she had a complete sex change. Would you still have sex with her?

I'm Geeking Out again

2006-08-15T07:17:00.000-07:00

He who has the most toys wins, right?" ROFLMAO

Well, by the picture above, you can see I got another new toy. Meet the latest edition to my electronic empire, the T-Mobile SDA Smart Phone. It runs on Windows Mobile 5.0, can view Office documents, has MSN Messenger and Hotmail built in, allows you to IM with AIM, ICQ and Yahoo and plays MP3, WMA, WAV, MPG, AVI and other media file types via Windows Mobile Media Player. In addition, it has both Bluetooth and Wi-Fi capability, which means I can browse the web right over my own wireless connection and T-Mobile doesn't get a dime more out of me.

Now, because I was a valued customer, I got this $250 phone for the low, low price of only $99.00. Along with the low price, I also got a leather carrying case and a 1GB mini-SD memory card for storing data, media and applications. You see? If you know how to work the system and talk to companies that rely on your for their monthly income, then you can get quite a bit in return.

The moral of the story kids is, don't ever be afraid to ask for more than what they offer. If they want your money, they will always bend if not break.

The Candy Bandit

2006-08-14T13:44:00.000-07:00

If you were to walk through my office, you will see some sort of candy, snack, munchies, etc. on each of the desks. It's a friendly environment where if I feel like a Pretzel, I know where to go. If someone wants sugar-free candy, they know they can come to my desk. Share and share alike is our motto, but as with anything else, there is always that one person who fucks it up for everyone.

In the past 2-3 weeks, folks have been noticing that their snack offerings have been diminishing rather expeditiously. They will refill before lunch, come back after lunch only to find their basket empty. We're talking a good 20 desks, all with snacks ranging from pretzels, chips, hard candy, Twizlers and such. The selection is pretty diverse and for anyone to eat such a mixture must either have a tape worm or a cast-iron stomach. Well, as it turns out, that is not the case at all.

The culprit of the disappearing snacks has been recently identified. He was seen going through and taking handfuls of stuff and pocketing it. He even went as far as to go in someone's drawer, open a new bag of pretzels and fill their basket only to take 1/2 of what he so kindly put out. Well, it turns out that the bag he opened was meant for home and not the office. As if that wasn't bad enough, he even went so far as to leave a fucking note on someone's desk letting them know (anonymously) that they were "out" and that they should get more. The fucking balls on this guy. What really pisses me off about this is the fact that he is one of the few who do not put stuff out on his desk. (Gee, imagine that.)

Well, he must not like sugar-free candy (which is what I offer) because he never once came and took my stuff. It could also be the fact that he well knows that if I caught him, I'd crush him. Well, after hearing so many of my fellow co-workers complain, I went to the department head and simply asked if something could be done. He gave me permission to personally ask him to refrain from his current actions and that if he wanted a piece of candy or something, to simply take one or two and leave it at that. Now, you guys know that putting it that way is simply too nice for me to do. So, when the opportunity presented itself, I handled it my own way.

Here is how the conversation went.

Me - "Hey ****, got a minute?"

Anonymous - "Sure."

Me - "Several people have been complaining about the amount of stuff you have been taking from their baskets."

Anonymous - "Oooooookaaaaaaay...?"

Me - "Well, while they are too nice to actually say anything to you, none of the appreciate it and would like it to stop immediately."

Anonymous - "But they put the stuff out for people to take."

Me - "Yes, but to take in moderation, not all at once."

Anonymous - "Why don't they put up a sign then?"

Me - "Because everyone but you understands the etiquette."

Anonymous - "Oh, so now you make the rules?"

Me - "No, I don't make them ... I enforce them and you my friend, are in direct violation."

Anonymous - "So what?"

Me - "So, the next time I hear of or in any way suspect that you are excessively taking stuff from people's desk, I will wait until the end of the day, grab you by your scrawny little neck, drag you off of work property and proceed to beat you like a piñata until all of the stolen candy falls out of your pockets."

Anonymous - "..."

Me - "Do you understand me?"

Anonymous - **nods**

Me - "Thank you."

What in the Trek are you doing?

2006-08-14T12:39:00.000-07:00

Circulating through the Hollywood rumor mill is the claim of a new "Star Trek" movie, which would essentially make it number 11 (XI). The fact that another movie may be in the works is not what has Trekkies' undies in a bunch. What does is the rumor that Bourne Identity actor Matt Damon will be playing Captain James Tiberius Kirk.. They demand it be blasphemous for anyone other than William Shatner play the part and that production of this travesty never begin.

Maybe the Trekkies should step out of their geekdom for a moment and institute a little common sense. For starters, William Shatner is old. He is no longer the action-hero type, or at least, he is no longer built for the role. In addition, like it or not Matt Damon has played some excellent roles in such films as Good Will Hunting, The Talented Mr. Ripley and Syriana. Other than his role on Star Trek, the only thing of note for Shatner is the television shows T.J. Hooker and Boston Legal, which I admit is a good show. Oh, and let's not ignore the fact that Damon has "the look" and could certainly pull off the part, especially if under good direction. And last, the most recent offerings of Star Trek have been less-than-stellar. Stagnant if you will. Perhaps this is exactly what is needed to keep Gene Roddenberry's vision alive.

Personally, I don't give a fuck. I am a fan of Star Trek, but I am more of a fan of "Star Trek: The Next Generation". In my opinion, that show was better than any other series and better than any of the movies. But I'm not so much a fan that I cannot accept change. Hell, things change all the time and it is usually beyond our control. Trekkies? This is one of those times where it is beyond your control. If Hollywood feels that a Star Trek movie starring Matt Damon will make hundreds of millions of dollars, then scream and yell all you want because you won't have a chance at winning. Money talks, bullshit walks. So, get off of your noble geek steed and come to terms with the fact that you do not have a say. The sooner you realize that, the sooner your life can go on.

Another episode of "Desparate Housewives" (and possibly the last.)

2006-08-14T07:30:00.000-07:00

Remember this post? Desperate Housewives

Well, early Saturday morning there was a big ruckus down the street, complete with police cruisers and an ambulance. It seems that her husband decided to go back to his abusive ways, which disappoints me because apparently what I did was only temporary. Anyway, he came home drunk early that morning and started up with his wife. They argued back and forth until she said something that flipped his switch. According to the arresting officer (a friend), "He beat the living hell out of her". From his (the officer) initial assessment she had two black eyes, a broken nose, a bloody lip and possibly a few broken ribs. His fellow officer said "That bastard really did a number on her."

I turned back to my friend and asked, "Is she going to be okay?" and he replied by saying "Oh yeah, she should heal up ok. She's just over there talking to the officer who was first on the scene." I looked around and didn't see her cocksucker of a husband anywhere. So I asked officer Tim, "I guess you guys already hauled that asshole off to jail, huh?" He came back with, "No, not yet. He's over in the ambulance with a butcher knife in his chest." He then laughed when the look on my face changed and said "Hell hath no fucking fury, huh? ... Well, I hope one of them seriously fucking considers divorce now!"

We both laughed and joked for a few minutes before I started to say my goodbyes when he stopped me dead in my tracks by saying, "Don't be surprised if you are subpoenaed to testify. She mentioned you in her report." ... I simply grumbled out an "Oh, ok" and I know damn well he could see the displeasure on my face. He got a big laugh out of it because he knows damn well I hate jury duty, let alone being called as a witness in a trial. ** sigh **

SOMETHING FOR MY LOVELY LADIES

2006-08-04T08:24:00.000-07:00

Ladies, do you like so many others in this world own an iPod? What if your iPod could make you even happier than it does now? Well, here's the key to that happiness:

Introducing OhMiBod, the vibrator that attaches to your iPod for the ultimate pleasure in music. The unit uses frequency calibrated vibration to interpret the music being played through the iPod and will adjust the rpm output of the internal vibration mechanism. This is the first of its kind and is growing in popularity so fast that DJs are rising up and composing customized tracks and playlists to fully support the capabilities of the OhMiBod.

Though the OhMiBod is specifically designed to work with the Apple iPod, it will in fact function with any audio device that has a standard mini-jack for output. This means that it will work with a portable CD player, a non-iPod MP3 player and even the Sony PSP. So ladies? If you are not a gamer now, here's your chance to be-cum one and make it well worth your while.

Oh, and the OhMiBod only uses two (2) AA batteries and can be purchased for for the low, low price of $69.00 dollars. Shipping is currently free and there is even a hot pink penis-shaped softskin sleeve for added pleasure. Click Here to Order

Now, do I take care of my bitches or do I take care of my bitches? LOL

Believe it or not, an actual good experience on eBay

2006-08-03T13:27:00.000-07:00

I like so many other folks who use eBay have had bad auction experiences. I've had to fight for money, fight for auctions won and down-right threaten people with legal action. Well, rather than blog about one of those bad experiences, I actually have an awesome experience to blog about. I know it's hard to believe, but it's true.

Well, those of you who read my post about my new toys know that I bought an XBOX 360 game system. Anyway, since the games run an average price of $60 retail, I shop for them on ebay for cheaper prices. Well, I won an auction for Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter, one of the games I actually wanted the system for. Well, to my surprise, when the auction ended the final price was only $32.00 with a $5.00 shipping and handling charge. Granted, it was a used copy, but I don't care, so I immediately pay the amount with my Paypal account.

Shortly after making the payment, I got an email from the seller (who by their choice, will remain anonymous) stating that there was a problem with the item I had won in his auction. Apparently, he was unaware of the fact that the disc had a huge scratch in it and he feared it wouldn't play. In the same email, he assured me that he would make good on the auction and he did. This guy actually went and bought an unopened retail copy of the game at $60.00 and still fulfilled his end of the auction by sending it to me for the original auction price. I even offered to make up the difference but he refused. He said it was his fault that he sold a damaged item and that it was his responsibility to make good on it.

Well, he certainly made good on it and I certainly gave him excellent feedback in return. I also wrote him a nice email thanking him for being upstanding and honest.

Absence from Blogging

2006-08-03T13:01:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't been blogging much folks. My little girl has been sick and she has been absolutely miserable (and rightfully so). She has infections in both ears, a very high fever and is battling a nasty stomach virus. So, as you can imagine, I have been trying to spend as much time with her as I can.

Piss poor work experience

2006-07-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

I'm back! Sorry folks, I had a project for work that required all of my attention.

I am one of the lucky ones where I work to be privy access to the Executive Bathroom. It's nothing fancy, just a private bathroom for a select few to use. Well, up until recently, it was also a well-kept bathroom. The cleaning crew tended to it regularly and you could always feel good (clean) about using it. This was perfect for me because I hate, no loathe using public restrooms. I'm not a germ freak like "Monk", but I can't stand the idea of sitting on a toilet that thousands of others have sat on.

Well, for the past 2 months or so, the "executive" bathroom has been a complete mess. Piss on the floor, on the seat, even on the fucking walls. The cleaning crew do their job as normal and sure enough, its back to being a piss-infested shit hole. Well, at this point a few of us are very disgusted. Well, I mentioned it to the cleaning crew and asked that they call my extension and let me know when they have cleaned the executive facilities. Well, Tuesday and Wednesday went by and I got the calls as expected, 3 times each day. Shortly after my confirmation that they were cleaned, I went and inspected the facilities. At the time of my inspection, they remained clean. It wasn't until later in the afternoon that I noticed they were defiled once again. Damn, the culprit did his dirty work unnoticed.

Now, Thursday comes along and at 11:45 AM on the dot, I get my call saying the facilities have just been cleaned. In the time that it took me to walk down the hall to the executive bathroom, someone had occupied it. So, I patiently waited my turn and when the moment presented itself, I went in to take a piss. Low and behold, the bathroom was a complete disgrace. Piss on the floor, the seat and even the wall. "MOTHER FUCKER!!!!" Well, it's no secret now who the fucking slob is and as I suspected, it was one of the new inductees. Well, me being me, before I make his disgusting nature public, I decided to confront him privately.

(For the sake of anonymity, let's call him Gary ... cause that's his name. LOL)

Me: "Hey Gary, got a second?"

- Gary: "Sure."

Me: "Let's go the conference room."

- Gary: "..."

(Walked into the conference room and closed the door)

Me: "Are you aware of the fact that you left a mess in the men's room?"

- Gary: "How so?"

Me: "It had just been cleaned and now its a mess already."

- Gary: "I am not the one that pissed all over."

Me: "I never said anything about piss."

- Gary: "..."

Me: "Look, dude. I'm coming to you first because I am certain you do not do it intentionally."

- Gary: "Of course not."

Me: "Good. Now, is it too much to ask you to simply clean up after yourself? I mean, I know that nobody is perfect and that we all get winky dinks from time to time."

- Gary: "Don't we have people who clean it."

Me: "Dude, I'm sure that they don't enjoy cleaning up your piss everyday and I'm more than certain that you don't schedule your taking leaks in accordance with the fucking cleaning schedule for the men's room."

- Gary: ".... No."

Me: "So then its a simple matter of you cleaning up after yourself. That's all I'm asking."

- Gary: "And why should I do what you say?"

(Oh boy! .... There goes that internal switch.)

Me: "Well, because the next time I find the bathroom a mess, I am going to grab you by your neck and drag you over there and proceed to wipe up your disgusting mess with your shirt while you are still wearing it. That's why!"

- Gary: "... (blink)"

Me: "Now I've come to you in a civilized, cordial manner and have kindly asked that you clean up your own piss in the event that you spray the men's room. That's about as nice as I can get. Please don't make me show you how mean I can be. Just clean up your mess and all will be well."

- Gary: "...... Okay."

Today I came back into the office and my boss called me in his office. He asked if I had "threatened" Gary. Apparently, Gary took my day off as an opportunity to rat me out to the boss. Anyway, I explained the whole situation and that I had kindly asked that he do his part in keeping our executive bathroom clean by tending to his own mess. After explaining the who thing, here is my Boss' response.

Boss: "Well, if you had threatened him, you should apologize to him personally and privately so that I don't have to investigate the matter. If you had not threatened him, he apparently perceived it in such a manner that you did and I kindly ask that you apologize to him anyway. Now, whether or not you threatened him in any manner, GREAT FUCKING JOB! That bathroom was becoming a shit hole but for the past few days it has been fucking spotless! ((laughs)) That's all."

I walked out of my Boss' office, over to Gary's cube and said "I'm sorry" and that was that.

* ATTENTION ALL BLOGGERS *

2006-07-18T10:14:00.000-07:00

Blogger Obasso of Views from the Back Row started the blog-trend of Half-Nekkid Thursdays where bloggers can put their self-confidence on display by posting half-naked pictures of themselves via their blogs. This is a beautiful thing (usually) and Obasso should be commended for his foresight and creativity. (Though on his site he actually credits someone else for the base idea.)

Now Evilicious Blonde and myself want to try and start our own blog-trend.

TWISTED TUESDAYS

All bloggers at one point or another suffer from "blogger block" where it's hard to come up with new stuff to write about. Well, here's your chance to let somebody do it for you.

The idea is to let another blogger post on your blog and in turn, you post on their's. It's as simple as that.

Feel free to "twist" with as many bloggers as you can handle. All that I ask is that you begin the subject of any switch-post with "Twisted Tuesday" so that the trend has a better chance of catching on.

I think this will make for some really fun blogging, plus it will provide our blog readers with a totally different point of view to comment on.

Woes at work

2006-07-12T18:05:00.000-07:00

For those of you who may not know, I work in the IT department of a large retail manufacturer. Well, part of what I do is serve as a member of the Help Desk. You know? The people everyone call when they have computer problems? Well, today we had a clusterfuck of network issues. Our T1 lines crashed, a ton of our non-static IP addresses got rerouted and our cable guys moved a bunch of wires around on the network rack causing havoc with people's connections. It was a very stressful day and I was reaching my limit in a rather expeditious fashion. Well, I am going to share with you the straw that broke the camel's back.

In one of our remote locations the email system went in the toilet. They were getting email but no email was getting out. This was obviously do to the abundance of network issues back at home office. Well, this all apparently began around noon or so, only we had no idea. Why, do you say? Well, because the fucking idiots that work in that office decided to email us to let us know. Yep, the people who are having trouble sending email decided to send us a fucking email to let us know that they were having a problem.

Now, if that wasn't bad enough, at around 3:30PM, 3 plus hours after the discovery of their problem, they decided to call. I was the lucky one to take the call. Well, the started off screaming and yelling about how they have been without email capabilities for over 3 hours and we have done nothing about it. Oh boy! I was going to be nice about the whole thing but that went right out the fucking window with that attitude. I flipped ...

"How did you notify us that there was a problem?"

"What do you mean?"

"HOW DID YOU NOTIFY US THAT THERE WAS A PROBLEM???"

"We sent you an email at noon."

"And why in the hell do you think we didn't know about it until now?"

"I don't know!"

"HOW ABOUT BECAUSE YOU SENT A GOD DAMN EMAIL AND YOUR EMAIL IS NOT WORKING?"

... ** SILENCE **

... "Please call us as soon as it's fixed?" :::CLICK:::

I was so fucking pissed I had to leave my office and take a walk around the shipping department where all the hot Latina women work. When I came back, my boss asked me what happened. I explained it to her in a calm, rational way and she laughed and said "those fucking idiots!" She saw I needed cheering up after that so she gave me a cookie!

Spoiled Rotten

2006-07-11T12:19:00.000-07:00

Well, it's a bit past my birthday but I decided to spoil myself anyway. On Sunday I went to Best Buy and bought myself a LG 30" Ultra-Slim Widescreen HDTV and an Microsoft XBOX 360. After seeing the XBOX 360 in action on the TV, I can see why almost everyone recommends that you play it on a High-Def TV and nothing else. Oh, and Comcast's HDTV channels kick ass too. Sports in High-Def is awesome, though you often find yourself seeing things you don't want to, like the pits in someone's face or a booger dangling from a nostril. The best part about Comcast Cable is that their HDTV service is standard for Digital Cable subscribers, unlike DirectTV who make you pay extra.

Out sick

2006-07-10T15:38:00.000-07:00

Sorry folks. I wound up getting sick this past weekend and even took the day off from work. The radical climate changes are reeking havoc on my allergies and I wound up with a sinus infection. I'll be headed back to work tomorrow and I'll do my best to post.

Please Support "Project S4S"

2006-07-05T12:11:00.000-07:00

In light of Cindy Sheehan going on a hunger strike, I have decided to start my own little protest.

I am asking everyone to support the SHITTING FOR SHEEHAN MOVEMENT (Project S4S for short). It's simple and it doesn't cost you anything, though it does require a deposit of sorts. To give your support, simply think of Mrs. Sheehan the next time you take a shit. That's right, while you are busy doing number two, make sure she's your #1 thought. I guarantee that you will be moved.

After you have supported Project S4S, please reply to this post so that I know that you are behind us.

Independence Daydreams

2006-07-05T10:32:00.000-07:00

Last night, while I sat there reading and keeping my pooch company, I listened to the fireworks show up the street. My poor dog was shaken up by the constant barrage of booms and blasts. Luckily he wasn't frightened to the point of IBS (irritable bowel syndrome).

Anyway, while I was listening to the fireworks, I started thinking about our soldiers abroad. I sat there knowing that the noises I heard were fireworks, and by knowing that I had nothing to worry about. But our brave soldiers must hear far worse each and every night and they know its not fireworks. I tried to fathom the idea as much as I could, but since I have never been in their shoes, the idea alone seemed so off-scale. I began to wonder at that very moment what the men and women over there were experiencing. Knowing that they were celebrating their Independence Day by fighting for the independence of a different people? I thought about those I know who are stationed in Iraq and the vast numbers of those I never met, who in spite of that, still stood between me and harm, protecting me.

That is why they need our support. Not just a few of us, ALL OF US. Despite how you feel about their reason for being there. Despite if you agree or disagree with their orders. They deserve our support.

I'm not rich and I don't have much to give, but I am certainly trying. Here are a few sites that will help you support them in any way you can. Even something as simple as writing them a letter.

http://www.soldiersangels.com/

http://www.operationshoebox.com/

http://www.saluteourservices.org/skins/sos/display.aspx

http://www.americasupportsyou.mil/americasupportsyou/index.aspx

Where's the beef?

2006-07-03T10:53:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the 4th of July, the official holiday for Barbecuing. We generally have a nice sized menu including ribs, steaks, chicken, seafood, veggies and a slew of other BBQ goodies. It's been a family tradition for as long as I can remember. Even the family I never saw during the year would make an appearance. It was literally a day of family, food and fun (the 3 F's). Though it has grown much smaller over the years due to passings and distance. Anyway, as a kid I remember going to the butcher's shop to pick out the meats for the feast. They were always so fresh looking. So red, so clean and they were cut to order. Butchery was an art form and the ones in my neighborhood were certainly masters of it. So now I wonder, where have they gone?

Everything these days is about mass production, pre-packaging and chemical and steroid enhancements. Local butchers have been made nearly extinct by the large supermarket corporations. High volume, mass-production and a lower-quality make for a less expensive product and with today's economy, cheap is king. But is it really that much cheaper? The product you buy in supermarkets are less meat and more fat and the higher-grades of meats are given a much-higher price tag. Butchers on the other hand would always "trim the fat" with a surgeon's precision and only give you the best in quality. Sure, you may have paid a bit more, but you could see and taste the difference. Personally, I would much rather pay the few cents more per pound for the overwhelming difference in quality.

So remember, if you are lucky enough to have a good, traditional butcher in your neighborhood, be sure to support them as much as you can.

Fired-up over Fireworks

2006-07-03T09:57:00.000-07:00

The State of New Jersey has filed suit against 5 companies in the state of Pennsylvania for soliciting the sale and use of fireworks. The State of Pennsylvania has a law that permits the sale of Fireworks to anyone who is not a state resident or residents who have obtained a specialized, legal permit. New Jersey is accusing these 5 companies of marketing their product to NJ residents by making it seem legal for them to purchase, transport and display (use) fireworks. Though PA law allows NJ residents to purchase fireworks in PA, NJ law prohibits them from transporting fireworks across the Jersey border as well as the use of said fireworks.

This is the kind of crap that disgusts me about law and law-makers. How the fuck can a state make it so something such as fireworks can be legally purchased by non-residents when the bordering states declare it illegal for them to be transported and/or used? Per the law in PA, a non-resident may purchase fireworks, but they cannot legally use them in PA, nor can they transport them (legally) to a neighboring state. So essentially, out-of-staters can come in and buy as many fireworks as they want as long as they don't use them and they don't bring them home. Well, what the fuck are they supposed to do with them? Buy them just to throw them out? Since they are explosive devices, how come they are not regulated by the ATF or some other Governing office?

Explanation of Absence

2006-07-03T08:48:00.000-07:00

Hey folks, sorry I haven't been around as much. I have been given a new project for work and a good part of it is developing a training process. It has been keeping me extremely busy and is eating away at any free time I may have. Since we are getting close to the holidays and work has slowed down a bit, I'll be putting up a few posts for everyone to enjoy.

Dreams come true at inconvenient times

2006-06-30T04:42:00.000-07:00

Harper's Bazaar has announced that pregnant pop-sensation Britney Spears has posed nude for their August issue. (source)

First of all, Demi Moore already did this back in 1991 and it wasn't hot then. Pregnant women are beautiful, no one can argue that. Their tits get big and luscious and they are always wet, but they have no fucking business posing nude. Sorry, but its true. Particularly when your entire status of popularity is based on the fact that you are sexy. Her singing sucks, her acting is horrendous, but her body was amazing and she could move in such a way that every male from adolescence to antiquated had fantasies of sexually ravaging her. In other words, you didn't want to listen to her sing but you definitely wanted to pump out some knuckle-kids to her videos.

THIS is the Britney Spears I want to see naked.

THIS is the Britney Spears I want to consensually rape.

THIS is the Britney Spears I want found in a dumpster on an episode of CSI.

Capice?

(Btw, thanks to CavalierX for bringing this to my attention.)

Black & White: Still no Gray

2006-06-27T10:40:00.000-07:00

I had a lengthy discussion with a black friend about racial equality or lack there of. Oh, I'm sorry, he's a friend of African-American decent, for those of you who are Politically Correct. Actually, we started talking about the "Speak English when Ordering" sign that proprietor Joe Vento is proudly displaying at Geno's Steaks in Philadelphia, PA. How it morphed into a discussion about race is beyond me. Anyway...

I brought up the point that if I decided to form a "United Caucasian College Fund", it would be deemed a racist action and would be fought in court by Black Leaders across the Country. My friend then argued that it would be racist to exclude blacks from obtaining educational grants from the UCCF. So, I challenged him to show me one case where a white student was awarded a grant from the United Negro College Fund. Well, if it actually had ever happened, it should be on the internet, right? Well, as you may have suspected (and what I already knew), he found nothing.

Well, after his research on the internet, we decided to explore more "black-only" things that now exist in this country. For instance...

* There could never be a "White History Month".

* There could never be a "White Entertainment Television" channel.

* There could never be a "White Pride Day".

* There could never be an "Ivory Magazine".

* There could never be a proclaimed "White College".

In addition...

* A "Black Leader" is a Reverend or Doctor, a "White Leader" is a Grand Dragon.

* There could never be another show like "All in the Family", even though it is recognized as one of the funniest shows to ever be on television by both blacks and whites. Meanwhile Bernie Mac, Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock, as well as other black television personalities, can say pretty much anything they want about whites. In addition, shows like "Friends" and "Seinfeld" were ridiculed for not having black personalities on their show.

* There is an online meeting site called "Black Planet". There is also "Asian Avenue" and "MiGente", but there is no "White Planet". When I emailed the proprietors of these sites, I was told that such a site would be too controversial.

* If a white criminal is beaten by a group of black cops, it is considered justice. If a black criminal is beaten by a group of white cops, it is considered racism.

* The conception of Affirmative Action was to give non-white applicants an equal opportunity to be hired for a position. It is now a requirement by all employers that they have a certain amount of non-Caucasian employees. However, there is no balancing factor for industries that may have more non-white employees than white employees and there are no "rules" predominantly-black businesses to have a white employment quota.

Here's something else to ponder...

Blacks committing crimes against other blacks is so much more prominent these days that the media has classified them as "black-on-black" crimes. Have you ever heard a report of a white-on-white crime?

-----

Now, if this article makes me sound racist, I'm not. I'm a realist. And being a realist, I can easily agree that there is separation of the races on both parts. The fact that Denzel Washington had to play a piece-of-shit dirty cop that acted "thug" in order to be awarded an Oscar is ridiculous. He was absolutely amazing as Malcolm X, but because the Academy has a grudge against Spike Lee, he was never considered. Halle Berry got her Oscar by getting fucked in the ass on camera by of all people, Billy Bob Thornton. Hell, they should give her a humanitarian award for that. LOL

I am not denying that whites have a brutal history of violent racism. I like so many others in this world wish I could go back and change history, but I can't. With that being said, I will not accept a simple shifting of the tides either. Racism is racism, in any form or fashion and should not be "accepted".

Die Hard

2006-06-26T06:20:00.000-07:00

Erectile Dysfunction - The inability to achieve penile erection or to maintain an erection until ejaculation. - dictionary.com

Approximately 30 million men suffer from (ED) Erectile Dysfunction. Before the inception of such wonder-drugs as Viagra and Levitra, there was little that could be done to combat ED. Those who could afford it would have surgically implanted devices that when activated or applied, would produce an artificial erection. Charles "Chick" Lennon, 68, had such a device installed in 1996. The Dura-II Impant, made of steel and plastic, is a non-inflatable, concealable device which always remains rigid and is designed to be "poseable". The implant consists of a series of plastic plates strung together with steel surgical wire, almost like a roll of wrapped coins. Springs press against the plates, creating enough surface tension to simulate an erection.

Well, the problem with Chick Lennon's implant was that it malfunctioned and remained stuck in the "up" position. In other words, he had a 24/7 hard-on that was beyond his control.

Lennon told reporters that he became extremely self-conscious, a recluse. He could no longer hug people, ride a bike, swim or wear a bathing suit because of the pain and embarrassment. He also stated that he was extremely uncomfortable around his grandchildren. "I don't know any man who for any amount of money would want to trade and take my client's life," said Jules D'Alessandro, Lennon's attorney. "He's not a whole person.

In 2004, a Jury awarded Mr. Lennon a judgment of $750,000 dollars in a lawsuit against the manufacturer of the Dura-II implant device, Dacomed Corp. A judge later determined that the amount awarded was "excessive" and lowered the judgment to $400,000 dollars. On Friday, June 23rd 2006 the Supreme Court affirmed the ruling. Even after the courts ruling, Dacomed still maintains that there is nothing wrong with the implant.

First off, I can't even imagine how frustrating it must be to have erectile dysfunction. Even more so, I can't fathom the amount of embarrassment that would come from having a constant erection. I'm the type of person who doesn't give two shits what people think, but in that situation? I think that even I would become self-conscious. This poor guy had to live with it for 10 years. Ten fucking years of embarrassment and mental anguish? Who the fuck was the asshole judge who decided that $750,000 dollars was too much? I mean, some dumb whore spills coffee on herself and sues McDonald's for millions because it was "hot". Yeah, no fucking shit you dumb cunt! Coffee is supposed to be hot Einstein! Meanwhile, this poor guy had to live 10 years of his life with a "forced" hard-on from an implant device malfunction. Women who suffered breast implant failures on average, have been awarded in excess of "1 million dollars" (in my best Dr. Evil voice - LOL).

I agree with the fact that we have become lawsuit-happy and that it has gotten totally out of hand, but this is one case where the original ruling was just. I mean, think about it. What would be your first reaction if you saw a grandfather sitting on a park bench, holding his grandson/daughter and he has a full erection? I'd certainly be torn between kicking the living shit out of him and calling the cops. Now imagine you are that grandfather and it is beyond your control because of a device malfunction. I'm sorry, but this guy deserved more than a measly $400,000 dollars. After all, they sold him a defective cock for his already defective cock. LOL

Birth of a Devil

2006-06-21T21:43:00.000-07:00

Though I'm not big on self-promotion, today is my birthday. June 22, the 173rd day of the year, just on the cusp of Gemini and Cancer (which is my sign). By the way, we only have 192 days left before 2007.

Here are some of the famous folks that share my birthday:

- Carson Daly (MTV Personality) ... Gag!
- Kurt Warner (NFL Player) ... Lead the St. Louis Rams to their 1st Superbowl win.
- Dan Brown (Author of The Da Vinci Code) ... This was a cool one.
- Cindi Lauper (Singer, Song-writer) ... She bop!
- Freddie Prinze (Actor) ... Chico and The Man was a great show.
- Meryl Streep (Oscar-Winning Actress) ... Not a big fan.
- Lindsay Wagner (Bionic Woman) ... Once hot as hell!
- Todd Rundgren (Musical Innovator) ... Very cool.
- Ed Bradley (The Brotha from 60 Minutes) ... Mr. Serious.
- Kris Kristofferson (Singer, Song-writer) ... Co-wrote "Me & Bobby McGee" with Janis Joplin.
- John Dillinger (Classic Bankrobber) ... This was the coolest one. LOL

Here are some of the famous events on the day of my birthday:

217 BC - Battle of Raphia: Ptolemy IV of Egypt defeats Antiochus III the Great of the Seleucid kingdom
168 BC - Battle of Pydna: Romans under Lucius Aemilius Paullus defeat and capture Macedonian King Perseus, ending the Third Macedonian War
1593 - Battle of Sisak: Slovene - Croat troops defeat the Turks
1633 - The Holy Office in Rome forces Galileo Galilei to recant his scientific view that the Sun, not the Earth, is the center of the Universe.
1812 - Napoleonic Wars- Napoleon invades Russia.
1825 - British Parliament abolishes feudalism and the seigneurial system in British North America.
1844 - Influential North American fraternity Delta Kappa Epsilon is founded at Yale University.
1866 - Battle of Custoza: an Austrian army defeats the Italian army during the Austro-Prussian War.
1893 - The Royal Navy battleship HMS Camperdown accidentally rams the British Mediterranean Fleet flagship HMS Victoria which sinks taking 358 crew with her, including the fleet's commander, Vice-Admiral Sir George Tryon.
1898 - Spanish-American War: United States Marines land in Cuba.
1911 - George V is crowned King of the United Kingdom, succeeding his father, Edward VII.
1937 - Camille Chautemps becomes Prime Minister of France
1940 - France forced to sign armistice with Nazi Germany.
1941 - Nazi Germany invades the Soviet Union in Operation Barbarossa, one of the most dramatic turning points of World War II.
1941 - First Croatian anti-fascist armed unit (partisans) founded near Sisak, Croatia.
1941 - The Lithuanian 1941 independence begins
1941 - Various Communist and Socialist French Resistance movements merge to one group.
1944 - Opening day of the Soviet Union's Operation Bagration against Army Group Centre
1962 - An Air France Boeing 707 jet crashes in bad weather in Guadeloupe, West Indies killing 113
1963 - Pope Paul VI elected by College of Cardinals.
1976 - Canadian House of Commons abolishes capital punishment.
1978 - Charon, a satellite of the planet Pluto, is discovered.
1986 - Argentine footballer Diego Maradona scored both the Hand of God goal and the Goal of the Century against England during the FIFA World Cup in Mexico City.
1986 - The All Jharkhand Students Union is founded, in order to fight for autonomy for tribal peoples in India.
2002 - An earthquake in western Iran measuring 6.5 on the Richter scale kills more than 261 people.

Here are some of the famous deaths on the day of my birthday:

431 - Paulinus of Nola, Roman poet
1276 - Pope Innocent V
1429 - Ghiyath al-Kashi, Persian astronomer and mathematician (b. 1380)
1535 - John Fisher, Bishop of Rochester (executed)
1632 - James Whitelocke, English judge (b. 1570)
1634 - Johann Graf von Aldringen, Austrian soldier (b. 1588)
1699 - Josiah Child, English Governor of the East India Company (b. 1630)
1714 - Matthew Henry, English non-conformist minister (b. 1662)
1868 - Heber C. Kimball, American religious leader (b. 1801)
1894 - Alexandre-Antonin Taché, Canadian archbishop (b. 1823)
1905 - Francis Lubbock, Governor of Texas (b. 1815)
1913 - Ştefan Octavian Iosif, Romanian poet (b. 1875)
1928 - A. B. Frost, American illustrator (b. 1851)
1931 - Armand Fallières, French president (b. 1841)
1935 - Szymon Askenazy, Polish historian, diplomat and politician (b. 1866)
1959 - Hermann Brill, German politician (b. 1895)
1963 - Maria Tănase, Romanian singer of traditional and popular music (b. 1913)
1964 - Havank, Dutch writer, (b. 1904)
1965 - David O. Selznick, American film producer (b. 1902)
1969 - Judy Garland, American singer and actress (b. 1922)
1974 - Darius Milhaud, French composer (b. 1892)
1979 - Louis Chiron, Monaco race car driver (b. 1899)
1984 - Joseph Losey, American theather and film director (b. 1909)
1987 - Fred Astaire, American dancer and actor (b. 1899)
1988 - Dennis Day, American singer and actor (b. 1916)
1989 - Lucien Saulnier, French Canadian politician (b. 1916)
1990 - Ilya Frank, Russian physicist, Nobel Prize laureate (b. 1908)
1992 - Chuck Mitchell, American actor (b. 1927)
1993 - Pat Nixon, First Lady of the United States (b. 1912)
1994 - Otto Bradfisch, Nazi leader (b. 1903)
1995 - Al Hansen, American artist (b. 1927)
1997 - Gérard Pelletier, French journalist, politician, and diplomat (b. 1919)
1997 - Ted Gärdestad, Swedish singer (b. 1956)
2002 - Darryl Kile, baseball player (b. 1968)
2002 - Ann Landers, American columnist (b. 1918)
2004 - Mattie Stepanek, American poet (b. 1990)
2004 - Bob Bemer, computer scientist (b. 1920)

Prank you very much

2006-06-21T16:39:00.000-07:00

A co-worker (from Mexico) took the morning off today to watch the Mexico vs. Portugal match. He was so excited because well, because it's the biggest sport in Mexico. Meanwhile, I was watching a web cast of the game at work. So, when I saw that time was winding down and Mexico was losing 2-1, I got an evil streak. I opened up my trusty Microsoft Word, and a few Word-Arts later and a cute little piece of clip-art, my co-worker had a few surprises waiting for him. As you can see from the picture I had a little bit of fun. If you can't read it in the mediocre picture taken with my camera phone, CLICK HERE to see what the sign said.

What really made me laugh was that my Boss felt really bad about it and I can't understand why. He took a 1/2 day from work to watch a soccer game on TV. LOL

The Pit and the Conundrum

2006-06-21T13:17:00.000-07:00

Hood Fights, Vol. 2 - The Art of the Pit is a recently released DVD by Cornbread Presents: Street Heat depicting a series of underground Pit Bull fights. This DVD "shows a series of staged matches in which trained fighting dogs suffer bloody, debilitating injuries for the apparent amusement of spectators," wrote the Humane Society's Ann Chynoweth wrote in a June 13 letter to U.S. Attorney Roger Roper III. Roper has been asked to investigate whether Hood Fights, Vol. 2 violates a federal law against interstate or foreign commerce profiting from the depiction of animal cruelty. (source)

In lieu of this, retailers such as Amazon.com, Circuit City, Best Buy and NetFlix have pulled the video from their shelves/sites. Ebay has even said that they will review the material on the DVD and make their own determination if it breaks any laws before removing all auctions for this product. So, it has nothing to do with the content with Ebay, it's just whether or not it is illegal. I guess knowing that the video contains extremely-violent, "staged" fights between domestic animals is not enough to be proactive. It was for the other retailers who removed it without question.

Ok, after reading about this I went to http://www.streetheatdvd.com/ and low and behold (an no surprise to me), it was decorated with the faces of famous rappers and a stereotypical backdrop of hip-hop culture. Ever wonder why these low-life degenerate scumbags have so much money, knowing damn well that they lack an ounce of talent? Well, it's because they are knee-deep in the drug game, corruption, prostitution and shit such as the these videos depicting violence such as in Hood Fights, Vol. 2. I am sick and fucking tired of these parasitic dregs of society being glorified. What they do, what they promote and what they stand for is a disgrace against society.

How do we fight it? Taking these videos off of the shelves won't help. If anything, the press they are getting from it alone has probably doubled their sales. We need to promote the boycotting of these artists, actors, etc. They need to be exposed for what they are and not the veil their iconic status comes from. They need to be taught a lesson of why the shit they do is wrong and the only place to hurt them is in their wallets.

Prancing in the Park

2006-06-19T11:02:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning I got all geared up and went for a bike ride. I went to the local park, which I have been addicted to since it was first opened. They have a huge lake for fishing, baketball courts, multiple soccer fields, several large pavillions and two 2-mile tracks for walking/running/biking. They even have a roller-blade hockey rink. It really is a great place to spend your free time.

Anyway, I had been there for a good hour or so, riding and enjoying the day when I heard the bark of what I call a yap-yap dog. Apparently, this little Shih-Tzu wanted to play by chasing me on my bike. Sadly, the poor dog was dressed in pink silk/satin with pink fringes and a sequent-studded, pink collar. So, I continued riding and the she was doing her best to keep pace. Lucky for her that I was going up hill.

Then, like a strange whisper on the winds, I heard a troubling word. Not that the word itself was bad. It was in how it was said. "Sthop!" It was one simple word, and yet when said with a lisp, has much more meaning behind it. Again, it called out, "Prethious, sthop!". Yep, now I am certain. It is the unmistakable call of the infamous pillow-biter. Laughing, I stopped pedaling so that the little dog would end its persuit. She then stood at my feet, yapping happily, wagging her tail and bouncing with joy. For an instance, I thought to myself, "the poor dog is probably saying please, save me from this homo"

The guy finally caught up to us and rather than simply come and get the dog, he stood about 30 feet away and said, "Prethious, I told you to sthop." Precious completely ignored him, still looking up at me, yapping. I got off of my bike and knelt down to pet her. He immediately blurted out "Pleathe, don't touch her." I replied with, "It's ok. Even if she bites, she can't possibly do any harm." Then he shocked me by saying, "Oh, no. I don't let her have human contact." Perplexed, I asked if he was a breeder and he replied with, "No. I don't let her have human contact because it will ruin her delicate psyche." ... "WHAT?!?!?"

"Prethious, come over here this insthance." Meanwhile, the obviously attention-starved dog continued to play at my feet. I love dogs and I hate fags, plus I love being a dick, so I looked him dead in his eyes and reached down and petted Precious. I believe I even had a devilish smirk plastered on my face. Well, the dog absolutely loved it. She was in doggie bliss when he demanded, "Presthious! PRESTHIOUS! COME HERE RIGHT NOW!!!" The dog didn't even look his way and it was pissing him off. This in turn, made me even more pleased to pet Precious til her little heart was content. **Am I evil? Yes, I am.**

The fag actually stomped his foot daintily (if that's possible) and again demanded that she return to him. I looked at her and said, "Ok puppy. Time to go." and after a final pet, she darted back over to her faggy owner. He then started scolding the poor thing by pointing at her and saying "bad girl, bad girl." Ok, now I'm getting pissed. I said to him, "It's in a dog's nature to want attention. You can't take that from them." He started to speak, but I cut him off. "Your poor dog is so starved for attention that she would come up to a complete stranger and totally ignore your calls." Again he opened his mouth to speak and again, I cut him off. "Dogs are pack animals, and though it may not be possible, if you want your dog's command and respect you have to show some masculinity."

Totally offended, he clipped a leash on the dog and started huffing away, just about dragging the poor thing. That really pissed me off.

"Hey, cocksucker? Stop pulling on the leash like that before I come over and rip your fucking heart out." Wow, he apparently had some balls because he continued doing what he was doing, which of course, pissed me off even more. I took a couple of excessively loud footsteps in his direction and said, "Pull it again and I'll fucking choke you to death with it." That got his attention because he stopped and turned in horror and said, "Okaaaaaay, I'm thorry!"

(To hear rant, insert coin. LOL)

"Yes, you are sorry. You're sorry because you suck cock. You're sorry because you are not a man. You're sorry because you deny your dog something as simple as being petted. Meanwhile, you indulge in having large cocks rammed in your ass like a powertool. You're sorry because a dog the size of my foot came right up to me and you didn't have the balls to get closer than 30 fucking feet. You're sorry because you can't muster up enough testosterone to let your dog know that you are a man. Yes, you ARE SORRY!"

I think I actually saw a tear or two welling up as he turned and walked away. Mission accomplished.

I then turned back to get my bike and there, in the shade was this asian lady with a look of fear on her face. I smiled and said, "I'm sorry you had to see that." She flashed a timid smile back and said, "Dat's ok. I am grad you stand up for dog." She then nodded and went about her walk. I got on my bike and went back to riding. I felt damn good about myself. Not only did I terrify someone, but I had a spectator. LOL

Marvel at the ACLU

2006-06-16T11:31:00.000-07:00

First, let me say thank you to CavalierX of Guardian WatchBlog for bringing this to my attention.

"I'm proud of who I am, and I'm here right now to prove it."

That is what Spiderman says to the press as he takes off his mask, revealing his true identity. Marvel's "Civil War" series has the comic book conglomerate tackling the ever-so-popular topic of Civil Liberties. In the series, the Government gives birth to the "Super-Hero Registration Act", which requires all Super Heroes to reveal their identities and register as, get this ... "Living Weapons of Mass Destruction". Are you fucking kidding me?

Essentially what happens is the expansive roster of Super Heroes gets split into to factions. Those who are for the newly-passed law, headed by Spidey himself; and those who are against the idea of relinquishing their secret identities. Who do they have in the pack of non-conformists? Why, none other than Captain America. Coincidental that the man named after the greatest country in the world is also one of the heroes rebelling against the establishment? I think not. (Source)

What the fuck is Marvel thinking? First off, "Super Heroes" keep their identities secret to protect the ones they love, mainly the ones who are not super. It has nothing to do with being ashamed of being "different". I mean, who the fuck do you think would be more popular, the all-American typical football player or the guy who can lift fucking cars?

Why must this bleeding heart bullshit taint everything near-and-dear to my heart? Why does everything in this world have to be made "sensitive?" Thank God I stopped reading comic books a long, long time ago. Back when it was ok for Spidey to wear his mask and feel good about it. Back when Wolverine could pop out his claws and rip the enemy to shreds without first issuing a stern warning. Back when Batman would throw villains off of rooftops and laugh about it instead of having to show compassion for his fellow man.

Well, I say FUCK Marvel, FUCK their "Civil War" series and FUCK anyone who has the sheer audacity to buy this drivel knowing damn-well what it's premise is.

Pennsylvania Danger Cycle

2006-06-14T19:40:00.000-07:00

As you may have heard by now, Ben Roethlisberger, star quarterback of the Pittsburgh Steelers was in a serious motorcycle accident on Monday, June 12 2006. In 2004, Roethlisberger signed a six year, $40 million dollar contract with the Pittsburgh Steelers. It also came with a hefty (2009) $9 million dollar roster bonus. Now, prior to his accident, Pittsburgh Steelers officials had warned him that he could be jeopardizing portions of his contract by continuing to ride a motorcycle. If that wasn't enough, it has been found that he didn't even have a valid permit or license to ride. The state of Pennsylvania's PennDOT only issues a motorcycle permit valid for one year. Roethlisberger's permit had expired on March 29, 2006. So, after ample warnings from his employer, he continued to ignore their heed and as a result, he now has multiple facial fractures including a broken nose and jaw, not to mention a totaled Suzuki Hayabusa.

Pennsylvania used to have a law stating that helmets were mandatory when operating a motorcycle. Sadly, it was amended in 2003 to make them optional for riders over the age of 21. Though, any motorcycle rider with less than two years of riding experience or that has not completed a Motorcycle Safety course must wear a helmet. In other words, by law, Roethlisberger was required to be wearing a helmet. I smell the makings of a legal loophole here. Technically he wasn't a licensed rider, so will his lawyers try to bypass the fact that he was required by law to wear a helmet and did not?

A few things about this story piss me off. First, he knowingly jeopardized a $50 million dollar contract to ride a fucking motorcycle even after being told by his employer that it could be detrimental to his contract and/or career. How fucking stupid can you be? (Apparently, very stupid.) Why bust your ass in college to become a player worthy of the NFL if you are going to piss it all away? Next, he broke the helmet law and was operating the motorcycle without a valid permit or license. People break those laws every day, so that's not what is bothering me. What has me heated is knowing that because he is a big Super bowl-winning NFL star, he's going to walk away from this with a legal slap on the wrist. Any one of us would be facing jail time, and all he'll see are some hefty fines which will be nothing less than a drop in his $50 million dollar bucket. You stupid, inconsiderate fucking asshole!

Now they are saying that he should be able to play this season. Now I ask, should that even be a consideration? He broke several laws and the trust of his employer. Why are they even considering allowing him to play? He may be talented on the field but it is apparent that common sense escapes him completely. I know that if I was his employer, he would be facing a lawful termination.

The last thing that bothers me is to know that the 35-year old helmet law of Pennsylvania was amended (2003) so that helmets become optional exactly at the same time it becomes legal to drink alcohol. How fucking idiotic is that? So, come your 21st birthday, you can legally get drunk and then drive one the most dangerous of "street-legal" vehicles and not even have to wear a fucking helmet. Granted, it is illegal to operate a motor vehicle under the influence of alcohol, but by not wearing a helmet, your only sentence will be death. This amendment is a product of Mayor Ed Rendell (source) and if I were Lynn Swann, this could make a great topic of debate in the coming ~~Mayoral~~ Governor election. I'm pissed because I actually like Rendell, but damn! -- *sigh*

FEMA me once, shame on you...

2006-06-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

I don't like to get overly political on this site simply because there are plenty of blogs geared towards politics. But it has recently been reported that FEMA has paid out as much as $1.4 Billion Dollars in false Katrina Victims aid claims. Yes, you read right. One point four Billion fucking dollars! How the fuck does our illustrious Government watch over a Billion fucking dollars of the taxpayer's money fly out the fucking window?

False claims such as prisoners using a New Orleans cemetery as their home address to claim relief assistance. How about a guy who got season tickets for Football on the taxpayer's bill? Or, perhaps you prefer the 70-day trip to Hawaii, again paid for by the hard working, taxpaying inhabitants of America? One person even managed to pay their divorce lawyer with illegally obtained funds from FEMA. But here is the coup de gras. The one that sits above all the rest. It turns out that you, me and every other taxpayer in the United States has paid for a man's sex change operation. You got it! We paid for Bernie to become Bernadette. How does that make you feel?

Now, I can somewhat fathom the vast amount of legitimate claims that were filed, but how do over $1 Billion Dollars in false claims get by the system? I mean, how come there was no real-time auditing taking place? Sure, now they are finding it all, but all well after the fact. How about some preventative measures? When I read this I wanted to drive to the FEMA HQ and reenact Columbine. Better yet, I wanted the sheer pleasure of choking the life from each and every individual who may have even remotely been responsible for such oversights. If I'm missing as much as a dollar from my wallet, I know. So again ...

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT NOTICE OVER $1 BILLION DOLLARS IN FALSE CLAIMS?!?!?
(Source)

"Cars" for White Trash

2006-06-12T08:59:00.000-07:00

Against my will, I took my daughter to see Pixar's latest release, "Cars". What can I say? She's a 3 year old with a powerful smile. Anyway, for whatever reason, since she first saw the commercial, she has been fixated on the "low-rider" with the hydraulics (Cheech Marin), who I might add, was not in the movie much at all. Now, everyone expects Pixar movies to be huge successes but I really thought that this would be more of a "niche" audience and would ultimately make less than "Toy Story", "Monsters, Inc." or "Finding Nemo". Well, low-and-behold, it raked in a whopping $62.8 Million Dollars in it's opening weekend. *Gasp*

As I got a glimpse of the inhabitants of the theater, it dawned on me. This movie was made to appease the growing mass of beer swilling, NASCAR watching white trash that is plaguing our great country. The audience was a sea of mullets, t-shirts soaked in motor oil and eyes spread peculiarly far apart from one another. I was privy to hear such conversation as "Yer daddy's gonna git a car like dat one day", "I'm-a-bettin' that lil' fellar has a hemi under his hood" and of course, "That ther Larry da Cable Guy is one funny sum-bitch!" I didn't know whether I had died and went to White Trash Heaven or middle-to-upper-class Hell. Either way, it was a frightening experience.

Thank God! The lights dropped, taking away the horrors.

The movie opens with another classic short offering from Pixar Studios called "One Man Band". It was intelligent, witty and made everyone laugh out loud. Unfortunately for us, it stopped there.

The movie had it's moments. Some of the scenes with Larry the Cable Guy were actually funny, though in my opinion, Luigi (Tony Shahloub) and Guido (Guido Quaroni - a Pixar artist) stole the movie. Sadly, that's it! The rest of the movie was horrendous. The visuals were absolutely amazing, as always with Pixar, but the story just wasn't there. My daughter had to wait a good 1/2 of the movie before seeing the jacked-up low-rider and the other 1/2 wanting to leave after seeing it. (One of my rules as a parent. I'm paying for the movie you wanted to see, so you are watching the whole thing. No if's, and's or buts.)

Now, as if having to watch this drivel wasn't bad enough, about halfway through I feel kicking on the back of my seat. The first few minutes I manage to tolerate it, but when it continued on, I turned around and to my surprise, it was not a kid. It was one of the many mullet-having white trash folk that flocked there. He was there with two boys, probably in the age range of 12-15. Being that he had his kids there, I swallowed my anger and kindly asked that he please stop kicking my chair and for the first few moments, he did. That is, until I heard his kids say "You gonna let him tell you what ta do, daddy?" "Yeah Dad, I thought you was tough? In my head, I'm saying "you kids are gonna get 'yer daddy" killed".

I'm already pissed that I spent $30 to go see a crappy movie about a crappy white-trash sport, so I certainly don't need a mulleteer edging me into violence. Thankfully, he sat there, quiet. That is, until his son said "Uncle John wouldda done somethin'." I could almost hear the guy's chest swelling up behind me as he brought his foot to the back of my seat and intentionally kicked it. I leaned over and told my daughter to cover her ears. She knows that's for when Dad is about to use a bad word. Once she had cupped her ears with her hands, I stood up and turned around.

"Look you white-trash piece of shit. I am sitting here with my little girl trying to enjoy a movie about this bullshit you people call a sport. Personally, it would be much more entertaining for me to reach across these seats and rip your fucking heart out."

*he started to stand*

"Sit the fuck down!"

*he rested back down*

"Now, I am certain that you don't want your kids growing up without a father and I certainly don't want to be the reason for them having to, so you have two choices at this point. Either keep your fucking feet off my chair and go home normally or kick it again and go home in a box."

I sat back down and watched the rest of the movie, undisturbed and uneventful. At the end of the movie my daughter asked me, "Daddy, why did you yell at that man?" I simply explained that he was being "very bad" and when grown-ups are being bad, they need to be yelled at by other grown-ups. She shrugged and let out a simple, innocent "Oh" and never paid it a second thought.

I guess the moral of the story is, "It's OK to be a shit-kicker just as long as it's not my shit your kicking." LOL

Safe house from Satan

2006-06-09T06:32:00.000-07:00

With my computer crashing and Blogger being down for 3-4 days, this is the first opportunity I have had to repost this. It was meant for Wednesday, June 7th 2006.

Tuesday, June 6th 2006 marked the release of the remake of an all-time classic film, The Omen. Fitting considering that the date was 06/06/06, right? In honor of that date I blasted out some Slayer and was sure to include what very well could have been the anthem of the day, "Number of the Beast" by Iron Maiden. No, I am not celebrating the Devil, just things that are about the Devil. LOL

Now, my township is divided into sections and each section has a name. The subsequent streets in each section start with the same letter as the name of the section. Far from ingenious, but it does make giving directions a bit easier. Anyway, these sections are all pretty self-contained in the sense that they all have/had their own elementary schools, at one point they all had community pools and they all have at least one Church. So, now that you know that, I can continue.

I was driving into my section when I passed one of the two churches in my section. Well, I literally had to stop for a moment and laugh as I read the sign they have on their lawn. Now keep in mind, this was on Tuesday, 06/06/06. The sign read - "Satan is coming, his day is here - Our doors will be open at 8PM - Come stay in the house of Our Lord and be Saved" Are you fucking kidding me? Are there people with such an archaic thought process that they could actually believe Satan was coming? Would Satan be stupid enough to come on a day where everyone would expect him to? Give me a fucking break! I started driving again and went home.

At this point, the curiosity is killing me so I decided to take a stroll up there at 8:30 or so. Well, I was amazed at the amount of people who were cramming into this little church. They were like ants at a picnic. I even had one of them tell me I should "go and get my family and bring them to the safe house (church) where the Devil can't reach them." So I asked him, "How do you know the Devil is coming?" to which he replied, "It is the day of the devil, six, six, six. The number of Satan." I promptly responded with, "And...?"

...And, he is coming to destroy the world.

"So, when he destroys the world, the Earth and it's inhabitants will be vaporized and all that will be left are a few churches full of people floating in space? If that's the case, why would you want to survive? I mean, Churches don't have their own gravity and therefore would slam directly into the sun as the entire universe collapsed from instability, right?"

In an obvious, displeased grunt he replied with "Never mind!"

As he was headed back into the church I asked him, "If the evil of man is what fuels Satan's power, why would he destroy us?"

He turned for a second as if to rebut, but then turned back and walked into the "Safe house from Satan".

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!

2006-06-07T19:44:00.000-07:00

I was writing a nice, long post when my computer instantly rebooted. FUCK!!!! Turns out, there is a "crash" problem with the latest sound driver I installed. The Fix for it is 50+ MB in size. A fifty-plus-fucking-megabyte patch? Holy shit!

Well, I'm sorry to say it is late now. I will start the post again in the morning. Luckily, I'm out of training at work and back at my daily routine so I'll have time to post. Sorry folks!

Giddy like a Schoolgirl

2006-06-01T11:05:00.000-07:00

I am so fucking excited. On of my most favorite bands is back in action and will be bring out a new CD in October 2006. Just as Metallica gave birth to thrash metal, Candlemass sired the dark and mysterious art of Doom Metal. Their ominous guitar riffs force you into a deep, hypnotic trance while your mind is deviously mastered by the operatic voice of Messiah Marcolin. Every aspect of their music is mind blowing and I highly recommend them to any Metal fan.

After 20 years without recognition, Candlemass was given a Grammy award for best hard rock/metal in their home country of Sweden, beating out powerhouse bands such as Opeth and Hammerfall.

Let me tell you. Their music kicks some serious fucking ass. I'll see if I can work it out with Tesco so that I can post some of their music up on the 100 Records site.

Wheels of Fire

2006-06-01T08:16:00.000-07:00

Last night I got a call from a buddy who needed my help. Apparently, his sister was being abused by her spouse and she called him to help her get out. She has been getting beaten for a good while now and it finally fucking dawned on her to leave. It always amazes me when a woman (or a man) would purposely stay in an abusive relationship. Treat that shit like the fucking house in Amityville and GET OUT!!

Anyway, he needed a ride because his car was in the shop. So, at 2:30am I got up, got dressed and rushed over to his place. I picked him up and the whole ride over to her place, he's say "I'm gonna kill this bastard" , "this fucking prick has to die" , "fucker thinks he can beat my sister and get away with it" ... Basically all the things I could see myself saying in the same situation. I did my best to calm him down but as you may have guessed, I was the wrong person for the job. I was looking forward to the violence. Participating even!

Well, we turn the corner of her house and there she is, sitting outside, sobbing. She had a black eye, a few bruises and her face was streamed by a mix of tears and mascara. She told us that "He got pissed at her for coming home late. He punched her in the face and pushed her down and she hit a table. My buddy asked her where her stuff was and she said "He won't let me get it. Every time I try to go in, he comes at me." I decided to interject and tell her that I will get her in to get her stuff. So, I walk to the door and it was locked. When I tried the door I saw him peaking through the curtains. I put my shoulder into the door and broke it open. (I know, that's a crime. Blah, blah, blah! LOL)

Well, when I first busted in I didn't see anyone. Well, it turns out that the reason I didn't see anyone was because I was looking at eye-level. The guy who has been beating her ass, holding her stuff hostage and has been terrorizing her for months now was in a fucking wheelchair!!! You have got to be kidding me! Am I on a hidden fucking camera show? What the fuck?!?!?

My buddy and I were stunned with amazement. How do you even defend a woman who is getting her ass beat by someone in a fucking wheelchair? Couldn't she just have RUN? How about giving him a flat? Something for Christ's sake!

Now, what are we supposed to do?

We gave her a free path to go and take her stuff and demanded that she ONLY take her stuff. The dude in the wheelchair knew that he couldn't do a damn thing about it so he just sat there. She eventually gathered her stuff and came back down stairs. After she walked out, he grabbed the dude in the wheelchair and pulled him out of it. He then took his wheelchair and threw it on his front lawn. Meanwhile, my face is streaming with tears as I held in the bellowing laughter. He told the guy, "Stay the fuck away from my sister or next time I'll kill you."

We left, got in my truck and I BUSTED THE FUCK OUT WITH LAUGHTER!!! I made his sister feel like a complete tool for getting her ass beat by a dude in a wheelchair. The jokes kept coming the whole ride home. Here's a few:

"Are you OK? Did he run your foot over?"

"Man, he got you bad. He must have been on a roll."

"You know? Domestic violence is an up-hill battle."

This had to be one of the strangest, saddest, most hilarious things I had ever experienced! I'm laughing all over again from writing about it.

My Little Angel

2006-05-29T17:32:00.000-07:00

I'm not big on putting pictures of my daughter online. In some cases, I will share them via email, but only with those I feel I can trust. Well, after taking this picture I just had to share it. Those of you who know me know I am not religous in any sense of the word, but when I saw this picture I was amazed at how much it looked like my little girl had a halo. So, now when I tell people she is an "Angel", I have visual proof. By the way, my Angel's name is Samantha, or as I like to call her, "Samburger".

My Buddy

2006-05-29T17:09:00.000-07:00

Meet Buddy. He's the latest edition to the family. He's a wire-haired Jack Russell terrier. Buddy was in a fire, was burned very bad and had lost all of his fur. He was taken in by a local kennel who nursed him back to health. Constant medicine baths, medications and creams. Literally thousands of dollars in care. While this kennel was caring for him, his old family found out where he was and went to get him. Unfortunately, when they saw how he looked from the burns, they decided that they didn't want him. How fucking despicable people can be. If I worked at the kennel and they came in and said that they didn't want him now I'd fucking kill them. Well, their loss our gain.

Buddy is a great little dog. He's 4 years old, was already house broken and while the kennel had him they taught him tricks while taking his mind off of his therapy. The kennel could not afford to keep him any longer and were going to send him to a local shelter. They dreaded that no one would adopt him and he would be put to sleep. They decided to list him on PetFinder. Lucky for us that we had been looking on that very site. After seeing his listing, I contacted the foster home and set up a meeting. I fell in love with him immediately and decided I wanted to take him home. It was that simple. The next day, I picked him up and he is now a member of the family.

If any of you are looking for a new cat or dog, be sure to look on PetFinder. They literally have thousands of animals who need a home.

The Perils of Parenting

2006-05-24T09:21:00.000-07:00

I believe I have posted about my inconsiderate neighbors before, so if this seems repetitious, my apologies. For those of you who are not familiar with them, here is a quick description. In one of the neighboring houses there are a group of kids just out of High School who run rampant through the neighborhood. I can only guess that they either pooled their money together and the house belongs to them or it was a gift from their parents or possibly, the parents own the house and are simply non-existent. Either way, it is a house full of unscrupulous, inconsiderate, reckless adolescents. The sad part is they have little kids, usually snot-nosed and filthy clothed. Child care is obviously not a strong-point of their household.

Well, on the Saturday that just passed, a few of their little ones had been outside throwing rocks. Sure enough, as I had expected, I start to hear them bouncing off of the siding. Again as expected a few hit my windows, one of which chipped the glass. I walked outside and kindly asked the kids to find another spot to throw rocks, preferably away from my house. They began moving but didn't say a word. No "sorry", no "thank you", no nothing! No problem. As long as they are no longer damaging the house that's fine, right?

Well, one of their mothers grew a set and walked over to ask me, "Who do you think you are telling my kids what to do?" -- "Excuse me?" -- "You can't tell my kids what to do." At this point I can hear Scotty from Star Trek in my head saying I've givin'er all she's gawt Cap'n, but she's still gonna blow.

"I am the person whose house they hit with rocks. I am the person whose window they damaged with rocks. I am the person who was going to let it go until you opened your big, fucking mouth. I am the person who will be seeking payment for damages. I am the person who will be calling child welfare on your selfish, inconsiderate, no clue-having ASS!"

That last part struck a nerve because she insistently fired back with, "I watch my kids. I take care of my kids." Well, without hesitation I responded by asking, "So if you watch your kids, than you must approve of them throwing rocks at my house and windows, otherwise you would have stopped them, correct?" Well, she cocked her head in that Scooby Doo way and was at a loss for words. She is obviously dealing with a much more cunning intellect than she is used to.

I swear time had frozen at that very moment and I could see myself grabbing her by her hair and smashing her face into a tree. Just grinding her face-meat into the rough bark of an old oak. Tenderizing her patronizing look into a bloody mound of undistinguishable flesh. Then, just as my elation set in, the moment had ended and I was back to looking at the befuddlement of this snide little bitch.

"I'll send you a bill", I exclaimed.

Nothing else was said between us. We simply turned away from each other and went back to our houses. I swear if she had a tail it was snugly between her legs at that point. - The truth is, I have no intention of giving them a bill. Kids will always be kids. I just wanted to make a point that she needs to keep better watch on them before something bad happens. Either they break a window, a windshield or perhaps get hit by a car. And you know what? In any of those scenarios, she would be at just as much fault as the kids, if not more!

Meat the Sexiest

2006-05-24T08:20:00.000-07:00

PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has Named Prince (Purple Rain, Under a Cherry Moon) and Kristin Bell (Veronica Mars) the "Sexiest Vegetarians of 2006". Ok, now after reading that, take a deep breath.

Ok, now say it with me...

WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK?!?!?

Homo Arigato Mr. Roberto

2006-05-18T06:48:00.000-07:00

I have to share this because I am bursting with laughter. I just had a meeting at work and it was with a flaming homosexual who was Japanese. From the moment he said "Herrrrrrroooooooo" in that dramatic, long-drawn way that flamboyant homosexuals tend to talk and with a broken English accent to boot, I knew I was doomed. From start to finish this was one of the funniest fucking things I have ever experienced. I'm pissed at my co-workers because no one warned me as to what I was about to face. Of course, when the meeting was over they all had mischievous grins on their faces and then all at once collectively busted-out laughing. I replied with a simple, "That's messed up!" and then joined them in laughing.

I'm still laughing about it while I typing this post. The guy had on a powder blue suit and a soft-pink tie. The real kicker was that he had a pink, silk flower on his lapel. Anyway, when he shook my hand he turned his upward like a woman would and held it out delicately, like it was made of paper mache. He then gave a creepy smile and let out the "Herrrrrrroooooooo" in the aforementioned paragraph. All I could think of was Kim Jong Il from the movie Team America: World Police, but of course a much-more gay version. I don't know how I managed to keep my composure throughout the meeting, but I did. On the inside I was dying!

As if this wasn't enough of an experience, my boss came up to me after the meeting and he said, "He likes you." I thought he meant in the sense that he was pleased with my presentation and the way I orchestrated the meeting, so I replied with a simple "thank you". My boss then looked at me harder and said, "No, he reeaallyy likes you." My face dropped. "Are you serious?

My boss gave me a look like actually saying yes would make him sick.

Then he lowered his head as if to say "I am really sorry."

Now it was me that was sick. Disgusted. Mortified.

My boss looked back up at me with an impish grin and said, "Nah, I'm just fucking with you. Maaaaaannnn, you should have seen your face!" ... I laughed and said, "Dude, that was fucked up! I mean really fucked up! If you weren't my boss I'd kick your ass. In the end we all laughed and are still having a good time with it.

It was still fucked up! ROFLMAO

When a stranger calls

2006-05-15T13:03:00.000-07:00

I just started to doze off last night around 12:45 when my phone rang and woke me out of that mid-sleep state. I grumbled out a groggy "Hello?"

"Shaniqua!"

"No, sorry dude. You have the wrong number."

"Ok, cool."

I closed my eyes and again began falling asleep when the phone rang ... again.

"Yo, Shaniqua!"

"Wrong number again dude."

"Oh damn, my bad dude."

I closed my eyes once more and really fell asleep fast when the phone rang yet again. At this point I am so fucking pissed off and grumpy. I snatched up my phone, damn near slammed it to my ear and screamed "What the fuck is your problem? Are you a fucking moron?"

.... [silence]

Then in a soft, submissive voice I hear ... "Um, uncle Bob?"

DOH! I had just screamed at my poor nephew who thought I'd be up (because I usually am). He wanted to talk to me about his upcoming trip to New Zealand and Australia. Poor fella! He has the jitters about flying that far away for the first time and I, in one sentence, ripped him a new asshole.

Well, at least now he knows why. LOL

Singing the Sopranos

2006-05-15T12:06:00.000-07:00

What the fuck has HBO done? Who is to blame? Who needs to get "whacked?"

I am a big fan of their series, The Sopranos. In truth, I love just about every show HBO has. Sopranos, Big Love, Deadwood, Rome, Entourage, The Wire, etc. Some of their now-extinct shows were great too. OZ, Carnivale, even going back as far as Dream On which was a brilliant comedy. Their current cycle is of course, The Sopranos and Big Love.

Well, beginning with last season of The Sopranos, they "outted" one of the mobsters on the show as a homosexual. A fag mafia gangster? I mean, I guess it's possible, but what the fuck? Anyway, until now they have been real "obscure" about his homosexual activities, but last night's episode was like an "R" rated episode of Will and Grace. It literally turned my stomach. There was kissing, eye-gazing, whispering sweet nothings and tidbits of sex such as them getting into bed together, naked and kissing one another. I mean, on a show like OZ it was expected. It took place in a prison for Christ's sake. This is the motherfucking Mafia! Michael Corleone, Henry Hill, John Gotti, Paul Viti (LOL - Robert Deniro in Analyze This! and Analyze This!.)

Why is it so important for these asshole directors and film-makers to take something "macho", such as being a cowboy or a mafia boss, and make them gay? The penalty for such a crime should be death. Yes, that's right. They should kill the writers, directors and anyone else who has knowledge of such atrocity prior to the filming of said blasphemy. I wanted to dig up John Wayne, collect his bones and go beat Ang Lee to death with them for making a movie about homo cowboys.

Detrimental Kindness

2006-05-13T14:39:00.000-07:00

We've all been there. The majority of us possess something that is often called on by favor. Well, knowing computers the way I do, I constantly find myself helping family and friends. And you know what? I love doing it. I love helping those close to me and I really do enjoy working with computers that much. I never ask for anything in return. To pay someone to fix your computer, even of the most simplistic of problems is in the least $50.00/hour. But, because of who they are and what they mean to me, I never ask for anything in return.

Now, any of you that own or have-owned a pick-up truck knows that having one is like a stamp on your forehead that reads "mover". Or, maybe it says "sucker", who knows? LOL It truly is like a curse.

Well, I have this one, well, we'll call her an acquaintance. Well, I got a call today asking if I could help fix her computer. I told her I would get on my bike and ride over, which I did. Turns out she had a virus and it infected a good part of her system, so my only option was to dump everything and reinstall everything. Trust me, it was for the better. She had so much useless, corrupted shit on her system it was totally fucked. So, I did exactly what needed to be done. After a good 2 hours of work, it was done and the computer ran like it was brand new.

Part two of her diabolical plan hit and she asked if I could help her move some stuff one day this week. There's that pick-up truck curse. Well, me being the nice guy that I am I said "sure, no problem". Now mind you, my truck has been having minor transmission issues and is going to the shop Monday morning. I actually have the option of dropping it off Sunday night and putting my keys in the key-drop. Well, I asked her if she could follow me up to the shop so that I have a ride back. Her response? "Oh, I'm not driving all the way up there!"

...????

Not "oh, I only have enough gas for the week." Not "my car isn't running too well." Not even "I won't be home." Did this bitch say what I think she said?"

I just fixed this cunt's computer and agreed to help her move some shit and she has the audacity to say to me "I'm not driving all the way up there" ?

"Excuse me?"

"That's too far. I'm not driving there."

"May I ask why? It's only a 20 minute ride."

"I don't want to drive that far on a Sunday"

"Do you think my idea of a Saturday is doing computer work for a selfish cunt?"

"..."

"Free computer work I might add."

"... ..."

Keep in mind that while we were discussing this, I was finishing up on the computer.

I popped in my trusty boot disk and rebooted the computer. I then asked, "So, there's no way at all you can help me out when I need it?

She replied with, "Not if it means driving up there, no."

As if time demanded a poetic moment, the system sat at the blinking C:\> prompt where I typed FDISK, pressed the [Enter] key and proceeded to clear the volume [C:].

I then ejected my floppy disk, placed it back in my pack and got up from the chair. I then turned to her, looked at her with a wicked smile and said "Fix your own fucking computer and move your own shit. PEACE!"

Her mouth gaped open and her eyes seemingly popped from their sockets and before she could say a word, I was out the door. The whole bike ride home I kept thinking to myself, "That made 2 hours of lost work worth every fucking moment."

Wouldn't you know it? That bitch had the balls to call and force an apology on my voicemail. Let the cunt collect dust waiting for me to call back.

Closing thoughts? I lost what I thought was a good friend and I gained what I know is a good blog post. LOL

New Subscription Service

2006-05-10T09:23:00.000-07:00

If you hadn't noticed before, there was an entry box on the right of my page for you to subscribe. Well since I had set it up I had nothing but problems with the Bloglet service. So, in searching around I found another, more-reliable service called FeedBlitz. What's cool about this new service is that it was even equipped to import my settings from Bloglet asd well as the current subscribers. So, the new service is up and running now so feel free to subscribe. (It will send you an email whenever a new article is added to the blog.)

Experience 1 - Content 0

2006-05-10T07:48:00.000-07:00

Last night I was invited to an advance screening of the movie "Poseidon". Not only was it cool to see an advance screening, but we got to do it in style in the Franklin Institute's Tuttelman IMAX Theater. Now, before I get to discussing the movie let me tell you, the experience was amazing. There are some things in this world that everyone should get to experience and this is on that list. The one at the Franklin Institute is 4 1/2 stories in hight, had 50+ monster-sized speakers and is in the shape of a dome, producing what they call surround view. The opening scene of the movie they showed the ship "Poseidon" turning towards the screen and it literally felt like you were sitting on a dock, watching a real ship of actual size turning towards you.

OK, now for the movie itself. From the trailers you would expect top-notch special effects and you did get that. What was missing is something far more essential to a movie, character development. The original actually had you "connecting" with the characters and relating to them as someone you might know. There was absolutely no character development in this butchering of a classic. It was obvious that Wolfgang Peterson said to himself, "with today's technology I bet we can make the ship look cool." Well, he did do that, but that was all he did. On a 1-10 scale I'd give this movie a 5 and that may be generous. I wouldn't suggest seeing it in the theater, but I would suggest seeing it in IMAX. Yes, even this movie. LOL

For an IMAX theater near you, Click Here.

Religious Ruckus

2006-05-05T11:30:00.000-07:00

I am currently reading The Da Vinci Code for the second time. I have been so engrossed in it that I have been carrying it around with me pretty much everywhere I may have an opportunity to read it. My comprehension is phenomenal but I am just a naturally slow reader. That's why paperbacks rule. I can carry them around and read them in spurts.

Well, I have had so many people ask me "how the book is" or "how hard it is too read." Obviously, the interest of the public is more peaked now because the Hollywood Blockbuster is near release. This as my friend declares, is because people are stupid and they don't read. Unfortunately, in most cases this is a fair assessment. Anyway, if you haven't read the book, there is a fair amount of French in the text and no key to decipher it. Thanks to this, the book has a reputation for being a hard read when in fact it is not at all. I will admit that the first few chapters had me going to BabelFish for a rough translation, but after that it was smooth sailing.

Well, last Tuesday I was at the gym, in the sauna and reading my book when a woman came in and immediately asked what I was reading. I kindly replied by showing her the cover of the book and saying "The DaVinci Code". I almost instinctively prepared myself to tell her if it was good or not, or that it was not that hard of a read. Instead, she spouts out with "Oh, you're reading that trash? A book filled with lies about the church and God? How can you bring yourself to read such crap?"

"It's fictional."

- "It's filled with lies and blasphemy."

"But ... it's fictional."

- "For someone to believe that garbage is ludicrous."

"I agree, because it is fick-shun-all."

(Can you tell from my sarcasm that I am getting pissed at this point?)

- "Fictional or not, I wouldn't put an ounce of faith in that crap."

"Oh, you mean like The Bible?"

- "Excuse me?"

"Yes, the Bible. Though masterfully written, it is still a book of fiction."

- "THE BIBLE IS NOT FICTIONAL"

"Yes, the Bible is fictional. It is a collection of inspirational tales melded together into a well-versed manual of morality."

- "HOW DARE YOU?"

"I dare because I am educated, intelligent and of my own free will. I dare because I am not brainwashed by self-righteous clergymen or a religion that preaches from a fictional manual such as Scientology, Christianity and Catholicism. I dare because I have the balls to live life without a false blanket of security."

- "You are horrible and evil!" (Now gathering up her towel and leaving in a huff.)

"Now, the Satanic Bible? ... Now THAT'S REAL!"

(She slightly turned around with narrowed-eyes and then continued to storm out.)

The only other person in the room, who remained silent until now laughed and said "Dude, that was funny as fuck!"

I laughed, thanked him and went back to reading.

School House Rock

2006-05-01T10:53:00.000-07:00

(Though I finished this post today, it actually took place on 04/28/06.)

Friday night I went and saw the concert for my niece's school. She is still deciding which instrument she wants to play. Actually, her interest lies in learning Guitar, but her school deems it "too advanced" and will only teach it to 7th grade and up. If a kid has a desire to learn something than wouldn't it be best to feed that interest? Well, me being the direct, forward person that I am, took it upon myself to speak with her music teacher. After the concert, I introduced myself and struck up a conversation about the work he had done with the kids.

Eventually I asked him about my niece wanting to learn guitar. He gave me the same spiel I'm sure he gave her about it being too advanced for a child her age. Well, the rest of the conversation went as follows:

"In what way is it too advanced?"

- "Well, there's a lot involved in learning the guitar."

"Oh, I know, I've played one."

- "Oh, well have you considered teaching her yourself?"

"No. I'm not that good and aside from that, it's not my job, it's yours."

- "Well, I don't think she's ready something so advanced."

"Oh, really? Well, do you know that she already knows how to install and configure an operating system from scratch? That she can pretty much manage her computer on her own? That she knows how to use Microsoft Word? That she knows how to download music and burn them to a CD?"

- "No, I had no idea. They don't teach that stuff here, so how did she learn that?"

"I taught her. I AM that good with computers and since she wanted to learn, I am teaching her and she is doing great."

- "Impressive."

"I'd say. Can you do any of that stuff?"

- "No, can't say that I can."

"Would you like to learn?"

- "Well, I have a computer at home that all I use for is grading papers."

"I'll make you a deal"

- "I see where this is going. (laughs)"

"So, how about that guitar thing?"

- "If she is still interested, I will start her on lessons and see if she sticks with it."

"You're lessons last as long as her lessons, capice?"

- "Deal!"

...

Holy shit! I settled that without violence. I'm rather proud of myself. ROFL

Out sick

2006-04-26T08:02:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't been around folks. I have been sick with a stomach virus since Saturday and was on a small vacation before that. I decided to take last Friday off and go to the Camden Aquarium with my daughter. Wouldn't you know it, Monday through Thursday was beautiful and on Friday it fucking rained! Oh well, we went anyway. Ninety-nine percent of it is indoor anyway. We had a great time. Well, Friday night I felt fine and then Saturday I just felt a little off. By late Saturday night I was puking and then all day Sunday and Monday were spent paying mud-butt homage to the porcelain deity! I'm feeling better today. Not quite 100%, but better!

Porker Protocol

2006-04-20T12:06:00.000-07:00

I must clarify before anything else that I do not hate cops. I have friends who are cops and I respect anyone who becomes a cop. I just hate it when cops fuck with me! :-)

Ok, on with my story...

"MOTHER FUCKER!!! I'll be damned if I didn't get pulled over today. I was on my way back from lunch and was pulled over about 5 minutes from work. I was already late getting back, and now this. So, I pull over and got my registration out of the glove compartment. Of course, there is that long waiting period where the run you tags, check for stolen vehicle reports and do whatever else it is they do before they get their fat asses out of their cars.

OK, he finally gets out and approaches my window, which is already open because I know "the routine". "License and registration please?" I handed him my license from my wallet and my registration in the nifty little folder I bought at the car wash. I then asked, "Can you please tell me what I was pulled over for?" ... He replied with an aggravated sigh, "One moment, Sir." He then walked back to his car and again, "did his thing."

Meanwhile, I'm running scenarios through my head. "I wasn't speeding" ... "My tail lights all work" ... "I always use my turn signals" ... "I didn't make any illegal turns" ... "My truck certainly belongs to me" ... "I know I didn't run any lights because there are no in-between lights on the road I was on." "What the fuck? I'm at a complete loss! So much in fact that I was literally talking to myself. I hope he didn't pull me over for a psychological test. LOL

After adding an additional 18 minutes to my being late getting back, he came back to my window, handed me my stuff back and then dropped the bomb on me. "Sir, you have your tailgate down and that's considered a hazard. You have got to be fucking kidding me! He pulled me over and held me up for 20+ minutes to tell me that having my tailgate down was a hazard? He literally wasted his and my time with that earth-shattering tidbit of information? Was I on a hidden camera show? Did I just get Punk'd? Anyone who has a pickup truck and a solid tailgate knows that having it down causes much less wind drag thus making your vehicle more fuel efficient.

"Sir, may I ask what the hazard is? The only reason I ask is because the bed of my truck is empty and the gate is completely secured. I think my question was a valid one and I tried to ask it in the most respectful way, all without showing my complete and utter furiosity (if that's a word, lol).

"SIR? It is a hazard because it is difficult for vehicles behind you to judge where the back of the vehicle is." ... Oh boy, somebody just flicked my dickhead switch!

Excuse me officer, but no vehicle should have a need to get so close as to hit my tailgate just because it was hard for them to judge where it was."

I look at his face get conquered with volcanic anger, so I was smart and shut up. He raised his voice an octave and said, "Sir, just keep the gate up and secure."

I then grabbed my pen and a piece of paper and wrote down his name and badge number. He saw me writing and asked what I was doing. I calmly replied with, "I am writing your name and badge number down. I was told to always do that when I get pulled over." He raised his eyebrows and was ready to just accept it, but then I dug a bit deeper. "Plus, when I get back to work I am going to research any traffic laws pertaining to tailgate positioning and the possible hazards of it being down. If I find that I am wrong and you are correct, I will call your office and highly commend you for your services. Now, if I find out there are no such laws and it id not deemed a hazard, I will file a formal complaint of harassment. Thank you sir. Have a great day."

Oh boy, he went from pissed to really, REALLY PISSED! - "SIR!!!! I am just doing my job. Maybe you can't appreciate it now, but if your vehicle was stolen and was recovered by a stop such as this, you sure as hell would feel differently. I am sick and tired of people wanting police officers there when they need them, but fail to cooperate otherwise. GOOD DAY, SIR!" He walked off in a huff. Well, mission accomplished. I managed to take just about as much of his time pointlessly, just as he had taken time from me. Evil, huh? MU WAH HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA! (That's my gratuitous evil laughter. LOL)

Maybe Wild Bill, Free0352 (if he ever visits) or someone else who was/is an officer of the law can let me know for sure if it is a "hazard" to have my tailgate down (with an empty truck bed, mind you). I would love to know!

Desperate Housewives

2006-04-18T09:06:00.000-07:00

Upon coming home from work yesterday, in the section that I live, I was stopped by a woman falling into the street. Wait, she didn't fall, she was pushed. It appears that she and her loving husband were having a spat. Since he had followed her into the street, they were now fighting in front of my car, blocking my path. Did she cheat on him? Did she spend money they couldn't afford? Did she beat their kids? No! It was nothing like that at all. He got pissed off to the point of violence simply because the landscapers did a bad job of mowing their lawn and she was at work and not at home to supervise them. Keep in mind that I heard all of this while they are standing in front of me, arguing at the top of their lungs.

From the moment it all started, I could see that she was timid and obviously in fear of him. She had been backed up, step by step to the curb until she was shoved into the path of my truck. Imagine if I was one of those drivers who didn't pay attention to EVERYTHING on the road. She would have been killed or seriously injured, and of course I would have been guilty, right? Isn't that some shit?

Well, I waited patiently for them to get out of the road. Well, in the midst of their arguing, He grabbed her by the hair and pulled her out of the street. Ok, at this point my blood is boiling, but I'm not supposed to interfere in marital affairs, right? So, I managed to keep my anger in check. That's when it happened! He hauled off and punched her in the jaw, dropping her like a sack of potatoes. Now she is on the ground, groggy and screaming in pain and he is standing over her with a clenched fist and an attitude drunken by anger.

Okay, THAT'S IT!

I pulled off to the side, parked my truck and got out with a quickness I thought I had lost to old age. I walked up to him, grabbed him by his throat and threw him down to the ground. "You want to fight someone, fight me you piece of shit!" I growled at him. Now, before I continue, you have to know that this is one of the things I hate most. In fact, it enrages me more than anything else, with the exception of anything that would harm my daughter.

My buddy CavalierX of Guardian Watchblog knows! He has seen me act on this sort of thing in the past and I don't take it lightly, not one bit. Ok, back to the story. As he proceeds to stand, I can see the anger flush from his eyes and fear moving in. He then says what every man in the same position says, "this has nothing to do with you." Oh boy, now I'm pissed. You know? I wish I had those big word-FX balloons that Batman and Robin had on the show. BAM! BOOM! CRACK! And my personal favorite ... THWAP!

So ... I cocked my arm back and crashed him in the jaw, dropping him again. I then stood over him, pummeling him at will. I think he hit me a few times in retaliation, but I didn't feel it. I was drunk from the pleasure of acting on my aggression. "You piece of shit! You like hitting women because you know a man will kick your ass? How the fuck does it feel? How do you like getting your ass kicked? How does it make you feel to be embarrassed in front of your wife and neighbors? Huh? Do you like it you fucking piece of shit?" I stopped when I saw that the majority of his face had been soaked with crimson. Then I had realized that his wife was whimpering the words, "no .... don't ... stop." Why is it that every time a woman is getting her ass kicked by her man and someone steps in, they defend the same guy who was kicking their ass? If I may quote R. Lee Ermy, "What the fuck is their major malfunction?"

So, I came back to my senses looked down at him and said, "if you're even thinking about calling the cops, forget it. I'll tell them how you were beating your wife, how you threw her out in front of my truck and that I was just doing the duty of a good citizen. Your wife knows, your neighbors know and you know deep inside it doesn't have to end here. If I ever see you in any shape or form, hitting your wife, I WILL FUCKING BURY YOU! CAPICE?"

I got in my truck, went home and washed and iced my knuckles. About 20 minutes later, an officer showed up at my door. He said that he had a report that I had made terroristic threats. I explained the who scenario from start to finish. I told him the honest truth. I told him how much I hate the idea of a man beating on a woman and at the moment I saw it, I had a bout of "temporary insanity." The officer replied, saying "it's not insanity to want to protect a woman, it's human nature. Next time, just call 911 when you see something like that and report it. As much as I can appreciate what you had done, it is our job and not yours. You could have been facing serious charges, but they apparently chose not to report anything other than you making threatening remarks to them. I have to go back to them and If they choose to press charges, you will be contacted by our office."

I got the officer's badge number and we left to go talk to my "accusers." I called a friend of mine on the phone, who happens to be a cop. He laughed when I had told him what I did and he said "don't worry about it. I'll vouch for you in every way I can. Well, I hadn't heard anything so I called and asked for the officer that was at my house. He wasn't available so they said he would call me back. Sure enough, not even 15 minutes later he called. He said, "As I suspected, they chose not to press charges. I then confirmed, "So, it's over?" ... The officer ended with, "Yes. Like I said, next time call the police instead of taking matters into your own hands."

I'll end this post with what I ended my to with the officer with. "What if I had seen someone about to be murdered and I was in a position to do something? Should I call 911 and hope that they get there in time, or should I do my duty as a citizen and as a human being?" He didn't have an answer for me ... do you?

Movie Recommendation

2006-04-18T08:47:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has Comcast On-Demand and HBO needs to watch the movie called The Hamburg Cell. I'm sure you can rent it as well, either on PPV or at your local video store.

As IMDB describes the movie, it is a fictionalized account of the hijackers responsible the 9/11 attacks. First and foremost, I can't believe that this movie was even made. It actually tries and humanize those sadistic cocksuckers! It plays like a video diary of one of the hijackers and his induction into the radical movement of Islam.

Well, as much as it seems the makers of the film intended to make us understand why these scumbags would murder innocent people in masses, it had an adverse affect on me. It brought back the images in my head of that day. It made me once again, want to kill any and every muslim I see on the street. No, any arab or anyone who looked arab. And you know what? Now the makers of that movie are on that list too.

Watch it and get as angry as I did. SELF-RIGHTEOUS, RAG-HEADED MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!

Motorcycle Mayhem

2006-04-14T06:42:00.000-07:00

Though I have so many things to blog about, today is a good start for me to get back. Today is "Good Friday", the Friday before Easter Sunday. Well, I happen to work for a company who observes this day and grants it's workers with the day off. Now, I had no intention of sleeping in today, but I did want to wake up when I was good and ready. I went to bed rather late last night because I knew I didn't have to get up at 5am like usual. I watched a movie on HBO On-Demand called "The Hamburg Cell." It was a chilling tale of the terrorists that attacked us on 9/11. If you have On-Demand, I suggest that you watch it. Anyway, afterwards it was off to bed.

Just when I was in the middle of a nice dream involving a certain drop-dead sexy actress, I was rudely awakened by thunder. As my eyes opened and I returned to reality, the constant thunder brought on the makings of a headache. Well, as I became more coherent, I realized that the sun was shining there were no signs of rain. What I heard wasn't thunder at all. "What the fuck?"

Ok, lets go back about 2 years. My neighborhood was quiet. I had the perfect bookend neighbors. To my left is a cop and his family, truly the best of people. To my right was a nurse and her family, also good people. A bit odd at times, but nothing to worry about. It really was a nice neighborhood. Damn near perfect in fact. Ok, now fast forward and the family on my right (the nurse) moved out and sold their house to what appeared to be a bunch of kids just out of High School. There's easily 7-10 of them living there, boys and girls and young kids. Well, they are your typical "white trash." They have vehicles parked on their lawn, trash all around their house and absolutely no regard for anyone else. Can you see where this is going?

Ok, back to this morning now. It wasn't thunder that woke me up. It was the sound of these inconsiderate assholes riding their dirt bikes up an down the street. Yep, you read right, dirt bikes. They do it all the time and there's not a damn thing we can do. We have called the cops in the past but by the time they get their porky asses out here, they are already packed up and inside. What pissed me off to the point of breaking was that today, they were doing this at 7am. "Oh hell no! Not on my day off you selfish motherfuckers!"

I immediately got dressed, got my shoes on and marched out of the house. I walked out into the middle of the street and stood right in one of their paths. I waited for him to get closer and I motioned him to stop. The dumb fucker wasn't even wearing a helmet. In fact, none of them were. I looked at him and asked him "What the fuck are you doing?" He replied, "Just having fun." I snapped back, "At 7 fucking AM in the fucking morning you dumb piece of shit?" Ok, I had the deer in my headlights now.

"Look you dumb, inconsiderate fuck. This was a nice neighborhood until you and your piece of shit cronies moved in. I have been extremely tolerant with you and your worthless housemates, but I'll be damn if I'll let you waking me up o my day off slide." ... His eyes are now solely focused on the veins popping from my forehead ... "Now you and your cocksucker friends are going to pack your bikes up, put them away and you are going to go inside and be quiet, capice? And If I hear so much as a deep breath come from any of you, I will take great pleasure in coming over and beating the fucking life from each of you while your women and kids watch. Do we have an understanding? Did I get through to you?"

A quiet whisper escaped his trembling lips ... "Yes sir."

"Thank you" I replied. Now, as he walked away I added, "...and if you think that you are going to retaliate by slashing my tires or some dumb shit like that, please know that I will not only kill you and your friends, but all your family members, anyone who has ever known you and even your pets. I can be a great friend and neighbor to have, but I can be the absolute worst motherfucking enemy you could imagine. All I ask for is the respect I and the people of this fine neighborhood deserve. Now run along!"

GOD THAT FELT FUCKING GREAT!!!

Hopefully they will think twice before taking out their bikes and riding them on this block at 7am. Fucking pieces of white trash.

Presidential Quiz

2006-04-03T15:25:00.000-07:00

This video is hillarious! Presidential Quiz

The Choleric Gardener

2006-04-03T10:39:00.000-07:00

I was so excited. I was on my way of having an uneventful, enjoyable weekend. No episodes of dramatic aggression. No neurological depictions of graphic violence. Nothing but enjoyment and happiness.

I went and saw the movie Inside Man Friday night. Aside from Spike Lee broadcasting his political views, it was a really good movie. Denzel Washington was great and the rest of the cast wasn't far behind. It was interesting to see Jodie "rape me on a pinball machine" Foster play a cold, calculated bitch. A role which she actually pulled off really well.

Saturday I had a bunch of shopping and other errands to do. Believe it or not, that was all uneventful. Hell, I even went to the gym and no one pissed me off and that in itself is a miracle. Saturday night I went out to dinner and the food was great. I had a "seafood trio" which consisted of shrimp and flounder, both stuffed with jumbo lump crab meat, a jumbo lump crab cake, sautéed pea pods, fresh asparagus and a salad. Like I said, the food was excellent.

Sunday came along and I had finished the majority of what I needed to do. So I went to Home Depot to look for some gardening stuff. I promised my mother that I would make her a little flower garden in a vacant spot of land at the house. Unfortunately, the area doesn't get much sun thanks to the two trees that border it. So, I walk in to Home Depot, head to lawn and garden and find a sales rep. I ask him where the plants are that require partial sun. He replies, "I'm not sure. Check with someone in the floral area." So, I head to where all of the plants and flowers are, find a girl who works there and ask her the same question. She kindly replies, "I'm sorry, I don't know. I don't work in that area." ... "You do work in Lawn and Garden, correct?" ... "Yes, but not in that area." I noticed that she worked in the fountain area, and I had considered a fountain for the garden so I asked her, "Do you need to put anything special in the water of an outdoor fountain?" ... Ready? ... Here it comes ... She replied with, "You know? I'm not really sure."

She's not really sure? She works in the area where the fountains are, so why the fuck doesn't she know? Do they do any sort of job-training at Home Depot? Maybe she was new and honestly didn't know. I kept telling myself that in order to keep my cool. So, I walked up to one of her co-fountain-area-workers and asked the same question. I guess it was my fault because I worded it differently, but my exact words to him were "Do you know if there is anything special that goes in outdoor fountains?" ... His reply? "Water." NO FUCKING SHIT, SHERLOCK! Either I'm dealing with a comedian or this is yet another DUMB DEPOT employee, and since I wasn't laughing, I am guessing it was the latter of the two.

Ok, the best thing I can do is circumvent them all and head to the books. I'm bound to find the answer to my fountain question and in the least, what typical plants do not require a lot of sunlight. So, that's exactly what I did. I first found a great list of plants that are "partial sun" plants, so I began writing a few that I liked down. Just as I got to the area in the book about fountains, another Dumb Depot employee came up to me and said, "Excuse me, sir? We ask that our customers not read the books for reference. Otherwise, no one would buy them." ... **SNAP** ... I was so close. FUCK!

"Excuse me, but do you know why I am left to read one of your fucking books? How about the fact that I asked 3 employees 2 simple fucking questions and none of them could even give me what faintly resembled an intelligent answer. How about the fact that the people who work in Lawn & Garden had no idea as to what plants require only minimal sunlight? How about the ditz and the dumbass who work specifically in the fountain area had no idea if anything besides water needs to be added since they are constantly outdoors? Do you see now why I am READING a fucking book instead of BUYING the shit I need? I bet that any one of you can easily tell me that I am not allowed to read books, but not one of you drop-out dickheads can tell me what I need to know. Am I right? AM I RIGHT?"

What I didn't tell him was that I had aspirations of grabbing the first guy by his neck, forcing his mouth open and then seeing how many different flowers I could jam down his throat. All the while hoping that a few of them where poisonous. As far as the fountain cunt and her kooky co-worker, it was simple. I grab them both by their hair and shove their faces into the huge display fountain, filling their mouths with water which may or may-not have added chemicals, listening to them gurgle for air until they both go limp. Maybe even make a game of it and let the one who doesn't die first go. Yeah, that would be fun. Oh, and for the book lord? Well, the have some pretty hefty hardbacks there. I'm sure I could find a few to cave his empty skull in with. "Hmmm, how to build a deck? WHAM! Brick face and stucco? WHACK! Growing plants and vegetables? THUD! Plumbing and heating repair? CRUNCH!!! ... Ah, the blood."

Anyway ...

His face filled with fear as he murmured out the words, "I'm sorry." I asked him to get a manager, which he did. I noticed a few people who were intrigued by my tirade, hiding and peering around corners, watching. The manager came up to me and asked, "Is there a problem sir?" I explained the whole situation to him in a much calmer, rational voice. Within a few seconds, he was able to answer my questions and point me in the perfect direction of the plants I was seeking. He then apologized several times and walked with me to the plants, showed his knowledge by explaining what I need to look for and went about his business. Well, as I completed my list of exactly what I need, the manager came back and gave me a personally signed gift voucher for $50 bucks. WOW! I never expected that. He then apologized some more and asked that in the future, I come directly to him and if I can't find him, ask them to page "Willard". We shook hands and I thanked him for his generosity. In my mind, he went above and beyond his duty and it was greatly appreciated. THIS, my friends, is CUSTOMER SERVICE.

Once the garden is done, I'll take some pics and post them. Not that any of you care! LOL

Scenes from a Mexican restaurant

2006-03-31T12:44:00.000-08:00

I love spicy food. Any food that burns my tongue, warms my heart. (Feel free to quote me on that. LOL) This includes ethnic foods such as Mexican, Thai and Moroccan. Well today for lunch I wanted something different, something spicy. There is a Thai place right near where I work, but their food is more like your typical Americanized Chinese food with some curry added. Moroccan places are very hard to find in this area. So that leaves Mexican, which I know I can get around here. (The population where I work is predominantly Spanish/Cuban/Mexican.)

There is a quaint little Mexican place right in the heart of Hightstown, NJ called "Orchideas." If you are ever in the area and you like Mexican food, this is THE place to go, just short of Mexico itself. By the way, that last statement came from a "legal" Mexican that I work with, so it is that good. Well, I walked in and the place was packed as always. I go there enough that the owner knows me well and kindly gives a "hello" wave. As soon as I sit down, a waitress comes over with home-made tortilla chips, fresh salsa and even-fresher guacamole. By the way, she is a smoking hot Latina with Selena-esque features. YUMMY! Anyway ... with a blink and a smile she asks if I would like something to drink, to which I politely replied, "a bottle of water please?" Sure enough, I looked out the window and just as I looked back, my water was being placed on the table. The fantastic service is one of the reasons I love this place. That and the food is simply amazing.

Well, I scan through the menu and decide that I want something that won't take that long. When she comes back, I am going to order the tacos with chorizo. Unfortunately for me, she didn't come back. She had left for the day and I was pawned off to another waitress. Oh well, no big deal, right? **insert buzzer sound here**

My new waitress comes over and in as broken of English as you have ever heard, asks "Ledd-dee (Ready)"? "Yes, I would like to have the tacos with chorizo please." ... With widened eyes she replies, "no comprende." Ok, so then I reiterate in Spanish. "Tacos de chorizo, por favor?" Again, she says "no comprende, lo siento señor." Ok, now I am getting pissed. I am in a Mexican fucking restaurant and there is a waitress that doesn't speak English or Spanish?!?!? Well, she did reply to me in Spanish, didn't she? Maybe she just doesn't speak menu, LOL. All I could think of was "please, oh please tell me you are just visiting". Oh, and this dummy of a waitress was NOT hot in any fashion. Just in case you were wondering. So, I pointed to the exact item on the menu and she had to call someone over to confirm what it was that I was ordering. Holy shit! Now I'm pissed and aggravated.

I had better communication with the waitresses in Cancun fucking Mexico. I never had a language barrier to cross. Even if they didn't speak English, they knew enough to know what it is that you order. Why? Because that is there fucking job and that is what puts bread on their table, that's why. Obviously, this bitch was fresh over the border, obviously not educated in English and in Spanish for that matter. In my head, I am laughing that disturbed, overheated bellow that we all get just before we put our fist through a wall.

God, I wanted to take a dictionary and beat her over the fucking head with it. First an English dictionary and then a Spanish one. Hell, I may even finish her off with a Portuguese dictionary just for good measure. I looked down at my table just to try and hide my rage, but when I saw my fork I had aspirations of jamming it in her eye and yelling "LA FORKA! LA FORKA!" How about jamming a stick of chorizo down her throat to cut off her air supply? Yeah, that was be poetic justice, wouldn't it. (The idea of "jamming a sausage down her throat" as being a phallic statement of a sexual nature did cross my mind. ROFL) Well, my food arrived and it smelled so good, it washed away my aggravation.

Lucky for her, I did get what I had ordered and it was fucking great. So I did what any good man would do (with a full belly of great food). I pardoned her.

Watch what you "Che"

2006-03-29T19:32:00.000-08:00

Thanks to stores like Hot Topic, kids of all creeds have found it stylish to wear "Che Lives" t-shirts. I understand the need to express yourself and how t-shirts are a great way to convey your expressions. What pisses me off about these particular shirts is that the majority of those trend-whores wearing them know nothing about him. I was in the mall yesterday, walking around before heading to the gym. As I was headed towards the book store, I had to weave my way through a flock of skater styled grunge-lings. Well, 2 out of the 10 or so of them were wearing Che Lives shirts. One boy and one girl to be exact.

I made my way through their congregation and into the books store. I browsed for a bit, scanned a bunch of covers and found some really good bargains. I'll be doing some good reading for the next week or so. Unfortunately, there were no books about Ernesto "Che" Guevara at basement prices. I had actually hoped there was so that I could buy it and give it to the mall rats who donned their chest with his face. Oh well, my intentions were good.

Anyway, I paid for my books and headed out. The flock was still buzzing about, jawing about movies, I believe. So, I stopped to ask them if they knew anything about the person on their shirts. The boy was actually honest and said, "No, I just thought it looked cool." Due to his honesty, I actually had an ounce of respect for him. The girl then chimed in and said, "I know he was a great man and that we should respect his beliefs."

Did ... Did she just say what I think she said? ... Did she?

"A great man," I asked. I immediately felt the need to elaborate further. "What was it that made him a great man?" She replied with a pitiful, "I don't know." Oh boy! In certain situations, that is the absolute worst answer anyone could give and this was one of those times.
Even if she had said something like "He helped free Cuba from Batista," or anything somewhere near that in her own words, I would have been satisfied and just walked away. I mean, they are kids who are still in the midst of an education. I understand that, but to reply with "I don't know?" Hell, my 3-year old has a better understanding of the inane cartoon characters that decorate her t-shirts. How the hell can you exercise your freedom of expression when you don't know what the fuck it is you are expressing?

Unfortunately, I didn't have the time to get into a long discussion about Che Guevara, July 26th, guerilla warfare and Marxism. So instead, with an even temper, I suggested that she take the time to thoroughly read about him. To research what he was really all about, and that she would find that he was a scumbag (to put it bluntly, lol). I told her that the only reason why those shirts are popular is because bands like Rage Against the Machine started the so-called trend. I ended with letting her know that wearing a shirt of that magnitude is as stupid as walking through New York with a "I (heart) Al Qaeda" shirt.

Did I make a dent? Did I peak her interest enough for her to actually take my suggestion and read about "Che" ? As much as I would like to think so, the blank, bewildered look on her face told me otherwise. THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is the future of our Country. Uneducated, uninformed drones of the digital media movement. I swear if I see my daughter (when she is older) wearing a shirt such as these "Che Lives" rags, and can't tell me WHY she is wearing it, I will publicly humiliate her just to teach her a lesson. Lucky for me (and her), I know for a fact that I would never let that happen.

I apologize that there were no graphic images of violence in this post, but as angry as I was, I was actually more disappointed than anything.

Upgrade ... I think.

2006-03-28T15:32:00.000-08:00

I have upgraded to Haloscan. . I have seen that the majority of you use it and I like the options it offers. I believe I have it exactly how I want it, though I may make some adjustments down the road. I think it looks good, but I am open for suggestions, so feel free to give me your thoughts. Hopefully not too many comments will be lost and my readers will be as content as I am.

By the way, I recreated all of your previous comments. The post times are different, but the message is there as well as your links. Unfortuantely, Haloscan didn't pick up your avatars when I re-posted your comments as "you". Oh well, I guess everything can't be perfect.

Also, if you haven't noticed yet, I added a feature on the side bar (right) that lets you "subscribe" to Violent Daydreams. This will make it so that when a new article is posted, you will receive an email letting you know. The only catch for it being free is that you have to sign up with Bloglet. It's FREE, and who knows? You may want to use it on your site as well. I've tested it and it works well.

Well, that's about it for now. Happy reading.

Sweatin' to the Oldies

2006-03-27T20:01:00.000-08:00

Tonight, while I was at the gym (which was packed), somebody flipped my switch. Monday is for cardio, shoulders and back. Well, I started my normal routine of heading to the (dry) sauna to warm up. Then it was off to the elliptical machine, treadmill and rower. Next was lat pulls, overhead press, upright bench press and shoulder press. I always finish off my routine with a series of stomach crunches and then back into the dry sauna for a good stretch. So, I headed towards the crunch press.

Well, when I got there, all 5 machines were in use. They have a new machine (1) which I prefer to use because it gives a better result. Well, I waited patiently and drank my water. There was an older guy on the machine and he was a good 2 or 3 sets in. On his final set, he got up, stretched and walked away. Yes, that's right, he just WALKED AWAY! The machine was drenched in his disgusting geriatric juices. He never went to get the cleaning fluid they have everywhere. He didn't even so much as wipe it down with his towel. He just up and left. How fucking disgusting is that?

Well, I have told management about this kind of shit in the past and their canned answer is, "I'll let them know." So, it was obvious that I couldn't just go tell management again, just having to clean it off myself. So, I asked someone to watch the machine and not let anyone use it. Yep, I hired an accomplice. LOL

After appointing an assistant, I went after Captain Cro-Magnon. When I caught up to him, I kindly asked "Excuse me sir? Do you realize that you left the crunch press dripping with your sweat?" He looked at me crooked and replied, "I'm clean." Oh boy, that was the wrong thing to say. My eyes narrowed and I could feel the heat rise beneath my skin. I damn near growled out the words, "You're CLEAN?!?!?" By now, I have the attention of a good portion of the gym. "What the fuck do you mean by you're clean? Are you saying you don't have AIDS? Are you telling me that if I was so daring enough to sit in your putrid, ointment-infused sweat that I wouldn't catch anything? Are you saying that unlike every other human fucking being, you sweat pure, uncontaminated water from your skin? Is that what you are telling me? Because if it is, I think they should put a big fucking picture of you up on the wall with the caption, "Don't mind dick-face's sweat, it is pure and safe."

The look of sheer befuddlement on his face told me that he was searching for a response, but was coming up blank. I looked at one of the cable machines and could just see myself strangling the fucking life out of him. I thought about holding his head under a good 250 lbs. of weights, crashing them down and cracking his skull like a walnut. I now know when everything at the gym is attached to something, because I looked for something to pulverize him with. I swear I had fire in my eyes and it was burning like the sun.

Just then, he mutters out with, "I didn't want to wipe it with my sweaty towel." His excuse was so pathetic that I actually laughed. You all know that laugh you have at the point between yelling and physical violence? Yes, THAT laugh. Well, before I could snap back with another typical "me" reply, someone else kindly pointed out that they have cleaning solution and paper towel every five-fucking-feet or so. Without saying a word, he walked away, only to get the cleaning stuff and thoroughly clean the crunch press (which was still being guarded by my appointee.) Problem solved.

Now, what pissed me off the most is that management had the balls to come over to me and tell me I was out of line. I explained that I had asked a multitude of times to tell people, post signs or do something to help alleviate the issue. I further explained that absolutely nothing was done. I can understand it if they don't want to verbally tell folks. Most of the people working there are still in high school and wet behind the ears. Not only that, but they are running a business and it's not good practice to piss off your patrons. I can accept all of that, but put up a fucking sign for Christ's sake! Something, ANYTHING!

Well, after all was said and done, we all parted and went our separate ways. I'll be interested to see if now they put up signs to avoid a second coming of my wrath. LOL

Cereal Killer

2006-03-26T10:49:00.000-08:00

I decided to brave the supermarket again today. I only had a few things to get so it shouldn't be that bad. Sunday is the busiest day at our Shoprite, but with what little I needed, I could stand in the 10 or 12 items-or-less isle. Well, I went and got my milk, eggs, bread and english muffins, and now it is off to get some cereal. No big deal, right?

Well, I turn the corner to the cereal isle and there is a little kid screaming, "I want Captain Crunch! I want Captain Crunch!..." While he is berating whom I assume is his mother (he later did refer to her as Mommy), she is just standing there and taking it. What the fuck is that? I understand that all kids have fits at times, but the good threat of an ass whooping is usually the cure. Only this lady didn't threaten her child, didn't raise her hand to him and she didn't even use the now-popular "time out" theory. She just stood there, putting the boxes back that he was throwing in the kart. The fucked up part about the whole thing is she didn't even look embarrassed.

Why the fuck do these new-age, nuveau parents let their kids walk all over them? Are they afraid they are going to psychologically destroy their child by applying firm discipline? Are they afraid to make their loving, caring child turn into an axe murderer? Hell, my father used to kick the shit out of us for doing "dumb shit" and you know what? It deterred from continuing to do DUMB SHIT! My mother was a pushover, but even then my brother and I constantly made her throw a shoe at us. LOL

This kid just screamed and screamed and wouldn't let up. Now my blood is boiling and I am torn between smacking the kid around and beating the fuck out of his stupid mother. I smiled as I imagined holding the kid down and beating him with a box of Captain Crunch until the toy went flying across the isle floor. Then I looked at the dumb bitch and took pride in the idea of throwing her in the kart and pushing it into a brick wall. Hmmm, maybe I could line them up and kill two birds with one stone, smacking them both in one swipe like in "The Three Stooges."

I calmed myself down, remembered where I was and went about my business. Though, when I walked by them, I just shook my head in disgust. That alone was enough to watch her go flush with embarrassment. Mission accomplished. Sorry folks, no vigilante antics this time. Just a good old fashioned look did the trick.

They call me Rubberneck

2006-03-25T13:56:00.000-08:00

Car accidents suck, unless of course you are watching NASCAR. I think anyone and everyone would agree with that. Well, today it's raining here. Some steady rain, mostly drizzle but certainly not a torrential downpour. Well, while I was out on the road running some errands, I came across an accident. Everyone looked ok and the damage to both vehicles was minimal at best. So, knowing that, why the fuck must people slow to a crawl and examine these accidents like it is there fucking job?

I was on a rather busy road which has a speed limit of 45. So for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why I was only going 10 mph. Well, that was answered when I saw the accident. What pisses me off is these people are not slowing down or stopping to see if everyone is alright. Perhaps they lie to themselves and honestly believe they are looking to help, but the truth of the matter is, its their sadistic side that makes them watch. Everyone passing an accident is "hoping" for carnage. Something so exciting that they can rush home and tell those they know, like they had just seen a spaceship. They are driven to slow down in hopes of seeing blood, massive damage, someone slumped over the steering wheel or maybe even a severed head. Man what a great story that would make, huh? Something they could pass down from generation to generation.

I understand the psychology behind it. We, as people are natural thrill seekers. We need to experience things that make us say "Wow!" Well, going 10mph in a 45mph zone didn't make me go wow. It made me say "What the fuck?!?!?" LOL

I was hoping with each and every car that slowed down to "rubberneck", that they would burst into flames so that the rest of the passers could marvel at their misfortune. At times, I wanted to get out of my truck and smash their fucking heads into their steering wheels. I could even picture me doing it and their horn honking with each violent thrust of their face. I carry a bat in my car for a "just in case" scenario, but today I imagined that it would become an "offensive" weapon. Swinging at their tragedy-seeking heads like I was Mark McGuire. I thought of the scene in "Platoon" where Kevin Dillon smashes a gook's head in with the stock of his rifle and then asks, "Man. Did you see the way that head came apart?"

I then took a deep breath, calmed my thoughts and rolled my window down and yelled "forget about the fucking accident and just fucking drive." Did it make a difference? I doubt it, but I still like to think so.

Murder at 1600

2006-03-24T13:35:00.000-08:00

At around 8pm last night, I had to run to the store to get a few groceries. Romaine lettuce, tomatoes, broccoli, eggs and milk were just a few of the things on the list. Well, since the fruits and vegetables section is right where you walk in, naturally, I began my shopping there. As I was browsing the "good for you" isle, I saw that they had some fresh looking fruit, so I headed that way.

Apples? Yum!
Pears? More yum!
Grapes? My favorite!

Well, as approached the grape baskets, there was a rather dirty-looking woman fondling each bunch. Now, the dirty part is unavoidable since I live in a predominantly white-trash area. Knowing that, it is obvious that her lack of cleanliness wasn't the issue. Ok, are you ready for it? SHE WAS COUGHING ON THE SAME HANDS THAT WERE FONDLING THE GRAPES!!! How fucking disgusting is that?

In addition to germinating each bunch she raped of wholesomeness, she was picking from them and eating. Oh man, as much as I wanted grapes she sent me into a verbal frenzy.

I began to see flashes in my head. A vision of grabbing her by the back of her fucking head and pushing her face into the grapes basket until she stopped kicking. I wanted to grab a bag of oranges and beat her into a bloody pulp (pun intended.) I wanted to rip her eyes from their sockets and squeeze lemon juice in them just to hear her fucking scream.

The flashes finally came to a hault and my sanity returned and I approached her.

"Excuse me, Mam?"
- "Yes?"

"What the fuck are you doing?"
- "Excuse me?"

"Do you realize you are coughing your disgusting germs on the fruit?"
- "I'm sorry, I hadn't..."

"Don't you dare say you didn't realize you were being a disgusting slob by contaminating the fucking fruit with your germs. Don't you fucking dare."
- "..." **she walked away in a huff**

I was so fucking furious, no, livid! Well, she went to the Manager to complain that I was "rude, obnoxious and harassing her." Well, by the time the manager got back to me I was still fuming, standing in the fruit isle. Well, his eyes widened as he took notice that I had bagged up the entire basket of grapes. When she and the manager approached me, I placed them all in HER cart. The manager was speechless for the moment. I swear I saw him smirk.

So, we all went back and forth. She explained her side of the story and I explained that she was lying. The manager (impartially) listened to both of us and was again at a loss for words. He called a stock person over, asked her to take all of the grapes in the back and bring out a new load. He then turned to me and asked, "Will that settle the issue sir?" I was honest and replied, "Normally I would demand that she buy them all as I had originally intended, but in a gesture of good faith, yes it does."

Well, we could have ended it all there, but apparently the scummy bitch was intent on having me banned from Shoprite. Yes, that's right, banned from a fucking supermarket. Well, the manager explained that "technically", I was in the right. Well, she literally stomped her foot and said, "I will never shop here again!" To which I quickly replied, "GOOD! Now we'll know the fruit will be germ free."

The manager laughed, she walked away and I smiled proudly having done a great service for my fellow shoppers. Now I just feel bad for the supermarket that will be next on her germ-warfare hit list.

In fact, writing this made me laugh all over again.

The Kids in the Hall

2006-03-23T08:31:00.000-08:00

First off, I would just like to take a moment to welcome you to my new blog. Even though you may find my posts graphic and offensive, I am sure to touch on a subject that everyone can relate to. So, be objective and enjoy reading.

Now, for my first post, "The Kids in the Hall".

While I was out Tuesday night, I was doing some window shopping at our local mall. Well, as I am walking I hear a kid screaming. It catches my attention, I glance over and see what I perceive to be a 6 or 7 year old berating his mother. I mean, this kid was using more obscenities than a gathering of truckers (no offense to truckers). At the top of his lungs, in front of everyone, he's screaming such phrases as...

"Buy it for me you bitch."
"Fuck you."
"Daddy's right, you are a whore."
"I want that fucking game."
"I hope you die."

And then the big bomb dropped...

"Fuck you cunt!"

Now, as if this wasn't all bad enough, the boy's father was standing there laughing and literally cheering his son on. My blood went way past boiling and the pressure cooker in my head burst. That very moment, I had visions of grabbing that little fucker by his feet and beating his white trash father into an indistinguishable pile of human remains. I wanted to decorate the the mall corridor with their entrails. I waned to grab the father by his mullet and throw him off the balcony, just so I would watch his body burst like a water balloon. I wanted to put plastic bags over their heads and watch them gasp for air until they faded away.

My violent dream quickly faded to a calm, controlled anger. I got my composure, took note of where I was and gathered my wits. I then calmly approached the disturbed family from hell, looked to the father and said, "I find it utterly despicable that you would let your son talk to his own mother that way." He appeared dumbfounded that someone would have the balls to say anything to him. I then looking to the mother, I added "...and Mrs.? If I were you, I'd seek divorce ... fast!" Before he could say a word, I looked at the father and said, "If you say one fucking word, I swear I will crack your skull with my bare hands."

I walked away, leaving them all in shock.

Now, some of you may not believe this to be true, but if you ask anyone that knows me, they will surely back up everything I have said. No, they weren't there but they know me, and that is exactly who I can be.

Violent Daydreams

Undercover Brother a "Smash Hit"

A Farewell to Rome

Kyle Smith deems the movie 300 "Barbaric"

I am now part of the Collective

Snow way in Hell...

Sexual Harassment in the Work Place

Sensative, but funny none-the-less.

The Super Bowl Commercials (or Lack Thereof)

Super Bowl XLI

Televsion's new, great comedy?

NUCKIN' FUTS - It's huckin' fillarious!

Pop Star Gone Wild

Every man's fantasy fulfilled

Euro-English

Chappelle Show - President Black Bush

GET YOUR ASS OUT AND VOTE!!!

Erection Day?

Save the Cheerleader.... Save the World.

Bits`O Halloween

Introducing.... Trunk Monkey

The complexity of Women

What's good for the Goose...

Outta-Luck Louie?

What good is a busted Willie?

Superstition strikes again

From fever to fervor

Gratuitous Muslim Booty

Some parodies to laugh at on a somber day

The Governator caught on tape

I feel the need... the need for WEED!

Thought for the Day...

The apple of my eye

A very sad story that will have you die laughing

Karr accident a tall tale?

Twisting with the Devil....

A question for the fellas (and the ladies who like ladies.)

I'm Geeking Out again

The Candy Bandit

What in the Trek are you doing?

Another episode of "Desparate Housewives" (and possibly the last.)

SOMETHING FOR MY LOVELY LADIES

Believe it or not, an actual good experience on eBay

Absence from Blogging

Piss poor work experience

*** ATTENTION ALL BLOGGERS ***

Woes at work

Spoiled Rotten

Out sick

Please Support "Project S4S"

Independence Daydreams

Where's the beef?

Fired-up over Fireworks

Explanation of Absence

Dreams come true at inconvenient times

Black & White: Still no Gray

Die Hard

Birth of a Devil

Prank you very much

The Pit and the Conundrum

Prancing in the Park

Marvel at the ACLU

Pennsylvania Danger Cycle

FEMA me once, shame on you...

"Cars" for White Trash

Safe house from Satan

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!

Giddy like a Schoolgirl

Wheels of Fire

My Little Angel

My Buddy

The Perils of Parenting

Meat the Sexiest

Homo Arigato Mr. Roberto

When a stranger calls

Singing the Sopranos

Detrimental Kindness

New Subscription Service

Experience 1 - Content 0

Religious Ruckus

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