Monday, March 27, 2006

Sweatin' to the Oldies

Tonight, while I was at the gym (which was packed), somebody flipped my switch. Monday is for cardio, shoulders and back. Well, I started my normal routine of heading to the (dry) sauna to warm up. Then it was off to the elliptical machine, treadmill and rower. Next was lat pulls, overhead press, upright bench press and shoulder press. I always finish off my routine with a series of stomach crunches and then back into the dry sauna for a good stretch. So, I headed towards the crunch press.

Well, when I got there, all 5 machines were in use. They have a new machine (1) which I prefer to use because it gives a better result. Well, I waited patiently and drank my water. There was an older guy on the machine and he was a good 2 or 3 sets in. On his final set, he got up, stretched and walked away. Yes, that's right, he just WALKED AWAY! The machine was drenched in his disgusting geriatric juices. He never went to get the cleaning fluid they have everywhere. He didn't even so much as wipe it down with his towel. He just up and left. How fucking disgusting is that?

Well, I have told management about this kind of shit in the past and their canned answer is, "I'll let them know." So, it was obvious that I couldn't just go tell management again, just having to clean it off myself. So, I asked someone to watch the machine and not let anyone use it. Yep, I hired an accomplice. LOL

After appointing an assistant, I went after Captain Cro-Magnon. When I caught up to him, I kindly asked "Excuse me sir? Do you realize that you left the crunch press dripping with your sweat?" He looked at me crooked and replied, "I'm clean." Oh boy, that was the wrong thing to say. My eyes narrowed and I could feel the heat rise beneath my skin. I damn near growled out the words, "You're CLEAN?!?!?" By now, I have the attention of a good portion of the gym. "What the fuck do you mean by you're clean? Are you saying you don't have AIDS? Are you telling me that if I was so daring enough to sit in your putrid, ointment-infused sweat that I wouldn't catch anything? Are you saying that unlike every other human fucking being, you sweat pure, uncontaminated water from your skin? Is that what you are telling me? Because if it is, I think they should put a big fucking picture of you up on the wall with the caption, "Don't mind dick-face's sweat, it is pure and safe."

The look of sheer befuddlement on his face told me that he was searching for a response, but was coming up blank. I looked at one of the cable machines and could just see myself strangling the fucking life out of him. I thought about holding his head under a good 250 lbs. of weights, crashing them down and cracking his skull like a walnut. I now know when everything at the gym is attached to something, because I looked for something to pulverize him with. I swear I had fire in my eyes and it was burning like the sun.

Just then, he mutters out with, "I didn't want to wipe it with my sweaty towel." His excuse was so pathetic that I actually laughed. You all know that laugh you have at the point between yelling and physical violence? Yes, THAT laugh. Well, before I could snap back with another typical "me" reply, someone else kindly pointed out that they have cleaning solution and paper towel every five-fucking-feet or so. Without saying a word, he walked away, only to get the cleaning stuff and thoroughly clean the crunch press (which was still being guarded by my appointee.) Problem solved.

Now, what pissed me off the most is that management had the balls to come over to me and tell me I was out of line. I explained that I had asked a multitude of times to tell people, post signs or do something to help alleviate the issue. I further explained that absolutely nothing was done. I can understand it if they don't want to verbally tell folks. Most of the people working there are still in high school and wet behind the ears. Not only that, but they are running a business and it's not good practice to piss off your patrons. I can accept all of that, but put up a fucking sign for Christ's sake! Something, ANYTHING!

Well, after all was said and done, we all parted and went our separate ways. I'll be interested to see if now they put up signs to avoid a second coming of my wrath. LOL


Blogger Big Daddy 2x4 said...

Ewww... old wrinkled ball sweat.

All I know is your post made me mucho sleepy. That whole physical exertion when you don't have to thing just makes me jitter.

8:49 PM  
Blogger Irishdiablo said...

BD2x4; Yes, it was extremely disgusting and obviously infuriating! :-)

Just thinking about it makes you tired, huh? Well, Ben Stiller called that "breaking a mental sweat" in the movie Dodgeball. LOL

6:55 AM  
Blogger Big Daddy 2x4 said...

I just threw up in my mouth a little.


8:02 AM  
Blogger Time Freedom Fighter said...

tylo saunaA visit to a sauna increases the metabolic rate and provides a cardiovascular workout which helps condition the heart. There are more saunas in finland than cars; over a million, which is a great notion for why they are so good for the body. You can be exposed to infrared heat for hours and it will never cause your skin to burn and you will not develop any skin problems.

8:21 AM  

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