Friday, April 14, 2006

Motorcycle Mayhem

Though I have so many things to blog about, today is a good start for me to get back. Today is "Good Friday", the Friday before Easter Sunday. Well, I happen to work for a company who observes this day and grants it's workers with the day off. Now, I had no intention of sleeping in today, but I did want to wake up when I was good and ready. I went to bed rather late last night because I knew I didn't have to get up at 5am like usual. I watched a movie on HBO On-Demand called "The Hamburg Cell." It was a chilling tale of the terrorists that attacked us on 9/11. If you have On-Demand, I suggest that you watch it. Anyway, afterwards it was off to bed.

Just when I was in the middle of a nice dream involving a certain drop-dead sexy actress, I was rudely awakened by thunder. As my eyes opened and I returned to reality, the constant thunder brought on the makings of a headache. Well, as I became more coherent, I realized that the sun was shining there were no signs of rain. What I heard wasn't thunder at all. "What the fuck?"

Ok, lets go back about 2 years. My neighborhood was quiet. I had the perfect bookend neighbors. To my left is a cop and his family, truly the best of people. To my right was a nurse and her family, also good people. A bit odd at times, but nothing to worry about. It really was a nice neighborhood. Damn near perfect in fact. Ok, now fast forward and the family on my right (the nurse) moved out and sold their house to what appeared to be a bunch of kids just out of High School. There's easily 7-10 of them living there, boys and girls and young kids. Well, they are your typical "white trash." They have vehicles parked on their lawn, trash all around their house and absolutely no regard for anyone else. Can you see where this is going?

Ok, back to this morning now. It wasn't thunder that woke me up. It was the sound of these inconsiderate assholes riding their dirt bikes up an down the street. Yep, you read right, dirt bikes. They do it all the time and there's not a damn thing we can do. We have called the cops in the past but by the time they get their porky asses out here, they are already packed up and inside. What pissed me off to the point of breaking was that today, they were doing this at 7am. "Oh hell no! Not on my day off you selfish motherfuckers!"

I immediately got dressed, got my shoes on and marched out of the house. I walked out into the middle of the street and stood right in one of their paths. I waited for him to get closer and I motioned him to stop. The dumb fucker wasn't even wearing a helmet. In fact, none of them were. I looked at him and asked him "What the fuck are you doing?" He replied, "Just having fun." I snapped back, "At 7 fucking AM in the fucking morning you dumb piece of shit?" Ok, I had the deer in my headlights now.

"Look you dumb, inconsiderate fuck. This was a nice neighborhood until you and your piece of shit cronies moved in. I have been extremely tolerant with you and your worthless housemates, but I'll be damn if I'll let you waking me up o my day off slide." ... His eyes are now solely focused on the veins popping from my forehead ... "Now you and your cocksucker friends are going to pack your bikes up, put them away and you are going to go inside and be quiet, capice? And If I hear so much as a deep breath come from any of you, I will take great pleasure in coming over and beating the fucking life from each of you while your women and kids watch. Do we have an understanding? Did I get through to you?"

A quiet whisper escaped his trembling lips ... "Yes sir."

"Thank you" I replied. Now, as he walked away I added, "...and if you think that you are going to retaliate by slashing my tires or some dumb shit like that, please know that I will not only kill you and your friends, but all your family members, anyone who has ever known you and even your pets. I can be a great friend and neighbor to have, but I can be the absolute worst motherfucking enemy you could imagine. All I ask for is the respect I and the people of this fine neighborhood deserve. Now run along!"

GOD THAT FELT FUCKING GREAT!!!

Hopefully they will think twice before taking out their bikes and riding them on this block at 7am. Fucking pieces of white trash.
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