Wheels of Fire

Last night I got a call from a buddy who needed my help. Apparently, his sister was being abused by her spouse and she called him to help her get out. She has been getting beaten for a good while now and it finally fucking dawned on her to leave. It always amazes me when a woman (or a man) would purposely stay in an abusive relationship. Treat that shit like the fucking house in Amityville and GET OUT!!

Anyway, he needed a ride because his car was in the shop. So, at 2:30am I got up, got dressed and rushed over to his place. I picked him up and the whole ride over to her place, he's say "I'm gonna kill this bastard" , "this fucking prick has to die" , "fucker thinks he can beat my sister and get away with it" ... Basically all the things I could see myself saying in the same situation. I did my best to calm him down but as you may have guessed, I was the wrong person for the job. I was looking forward to the violence. Participating even!

Well, we turn the corner of her house and there she is, sitting outside, sobbing. She had a black eye, a few bruises and her face was streamed by a mix of tears and mascara. She told us that "He got pissed at her for coming home late. He punched her in the face and pushed her down and she hit a table. My buddy asked her where her stuff was and she said "He won't let me get it. Every time I try to go in, he comes at me." I decided to interject and tell her that I will get her in to get her stuff. So, I walk to the door and it was locked. When I tried the door I saw him peaking through the curtains. I put my shoulder into the door and broke it open. (I know, that's a crime. Blah, blah, blah! LOL)

Well, when I first busted in I didn't see anyone. Well, it turns out that the reason I didn't see anyone was because I was looking at eye-level. The guy who has been beating her ass, holding her stuff hostage and has been terrorizing her for months now was in a fucking wheelchair!!! You have got to be kidding me! Am I on a hidden fucking camera show? What the fuck?!?!?

My buddy and I were stunned with amazement. How do you even defend a woman who is getting her ass beat by someone in a fucking wheelchair? Couldn't she just have RUN? How about giving him a flat? Something for Christ's sake!

Now, what are we supposed to do?

We gave her a free path to go and take her stuff and demanded that she ONLY take her stuff. The dude in the wheelchair knew that he couldn't do a damn thing about it so he just sat there. She eventually gathered her stuff and came back down stairs. After she walked out, he grabbed the dude in the wheelchair and pulled him out of it. He then took his wheelchair and threw it on his front lawn. Meanwhile, my face is streaming with tears as I held in the bellowing laughter. He told the guy, "Stay the fuck away from my sister or next time I'll kill you."

We left, got in my truck and I BUSTED THE FUCK OUT WITH LAUGHTER!!! I made his sister feel like a complete tool for getting her ass beat by a dude in a wheelchair. The jokes kept coming the whole ride home. Here's a few:

"Are you OK? Did he run your foot over?"

"Man, he got you bad. He must have been on a roll."

"You know? Domestic violence is an up-hill battle."

This had to be one of the strangest, saddest, most hilarious things I had ever experienced! I'm laughing all over again from writing about it.