Scenes from a Mexican restaurant
There is a quaint little Mexican place right in the heart of Hightstown, NJ called "Orchideas." If you are ever in the area and you like Mexican food, this is THE place to go, just short of Mexico itself. By the way, that last statement came from a "legal" Mexican that I work with, so it is that good. Well, I walked in and the place was packed as always. I go there enough that the owner knows me well and kindly gives a "hello" wave. As soon as I sit down, a waitress comes over with home-made tortilla chips, fresh salsa and even-fresher guacamole. By the way, she is a smoking hot Latina with Selena-esque features. YUMMY! Anyway ... with a blink and a smile she asks if I would like something to drink, to which I politely replied, "a bottle of water please?" Sure enough, I looked out the window and just as I looked back, my water was being placed on the table. The fantastic service is one of the reasons I love this place. That and the food is simply amazing.
Well, I scan through the menu and decide that I want something that won't take that long. When she comes back, I am going to order the tacos with chorizo. Unfortunately for me, she didn't come back. She had left for the day and I was pawned off to another waitress. Oh well, no big deal, right? **insert buzzer sound here**
My new waitress comes over and in as broken of English as you have ever heard, asks "Ledd-dee (Ready)"? "Yes, I would like to have the tacos with chorizo please." ... With widened eyes she replies, "no comprende." Ok, so then I reiterate in Spanish. "Tacos de chorizo, por favor?" Again, she says "no comprende, lo siento señor." Ok, now I am getting pissed. I am in a Mexican fucking restaurant and there is a waitress that doesn't speak English or Spanish?!?!? Well, she did reply to me in Spanish, didn't she? Maybe she just doesn't speak menu, LOL. All I could think of was "please, oh please tell me you are just visiting". Oh, and this dummy of a waitress was NOT hot in any fashion. Just in case you were wondering. So, I pointed to the exact item on the menu and she had to call someone over to confirm what it was that I was ordering. Holy shit! Now I'm pissed and aggravated.
I had better communication with the waitresses in Cancun fucking Mexico. I never had a language barrier to cross. Even if they didn't speak English, they knew enough to know what it is that you order. Why? Because that is there fucking job and that is what puts bread on their table, that's why. Obviously, this bitch was fresh over the border, obviously not educated in English and in Spanish for that matter. In my head, I am laughing that disturbed, overheated bellow that we all get just before we put our fist through a wall.
God, I wanted to take a dictionary and beat her over the fucking head with it. First an English dictionary and then a Spanish one. Hell, I may even finish her off with a Portuguese dictionary just for good measure. I looked down at my table just to try and hide my rage, but when I saw my fork I had aspirations of jamming it in her eye and yelling "LA FORKA! LA FORKA!" How about jamming a stick of chorizo down her throat to cut off her air supply? Yeah, that was be poetic justice, wouldn't it. (The idea of "jamming a sausage down her throat" as being a phallic statement of a sexual nature did cross my mind. ROFL) Well, my food arrived and it smelled so good, it washed away my aggravation.
Lucky for her, I did get what I had ordered and it was fucking great. So I did what any good man would do (with a full belly of great food). I pardoned her.